(by Jonathan, following an interview with a Church of England Vicar)

The wedding is a legal ceremony and there are many things which are absolutely common to all ceremonies across all Church of England churches. However, there are many facets to the wedding which will vary from church to church dependant upon the individual vicar and church.

Eligibility

You cannot be married for a second time in a Church of England church. That is the official line, and the Vicar is often asked by “Applicants” (the official title of prospective couples) who are told this if there are any vicars around who will marry them. No vicar can be expected to reply to this and it is up to the couple to look for someone who will. There is known to be Vicars around who will not necessarily follow the official line.

The first question that is asked of couples who ring the Vicarage looking to get married is “Have you been married already?” and “Where do you live?”. The second question is so the Vicar can establish if you are in the parish. If neither of the Applicants are resident in the parish, then he would be unwilling to meet to start discussing the wedding. Should you wish to marry somewhere where neither of you are actually resident, you should have a plan for what address you are going to give (ie. your parents). The Vicar is likely to only meet to discuss the wedding if you are out of the parish with no other address to give if you can prove to be a regular churchgoer (ie say twice a month for six months).

The First Meeting

One key thing to remember is the Vicar is just a normal person who is doing a job! Some people may see the Vicar as someone to be afraid of but he/she is there to guide you through the process of getting married. They are not out to trip you up or cause you stress so relax!

The first time you meet the Vicar, it is simply to make introductions and go through the Application for Marriage form. This form will be the basis of the entry in the Register that you sign during the wedding ceremony. It covers basic information such as name, address, age, occupation, your father’s occupation (a somewhat outdated question that is up for review, to include mother’s occupation also). This form will reveal any other basic information the Vicar needs to know about you and highlight any potential problems, such as whether either of you is underage, or both outside the parish. Any other discussion during this meeting is ad-hoc and is an opportunity for the Applicants to learn more about the whole procedure of getting married. You could discuss music, choir, flowers, bells, etc. You will be told at this meeting when it appropriate to next get in touch with the Vicar, and that would normally be to arrange the reading of the Banns of Marriage. This is a legal procedure which announces your intentions to get married and gives the public an opportunity to object if necessary. They are read over three consecutive Sundays within three months of the actual date of the wedding ceremony. It is generally not necessary to be present at all readings of the Banns in either location but it is common practice to be present for at least one reading of the Banns at the church where you will be married. If the date of the wedding is changed at any time, the Banns will need to be read again within 3 months of the new date, the previous 3 readings will not be able to be applicable.

There are set fees that must be paid to get married in church. These are set by the Church of England and are common to all churches. They cover the use of the church, the reading of the Banns, the Vicar’s fee, the performing of the service and the provision of the marriage certificate. This cost (at the time of writing Feb 2002) is £171.50. The variable costs to add on is for heating, cleaning, organist and choir fee, bells, etc. All this could add another £150 to the cost of the church wedding.

The Vicar is likely at the first meeting to establish your requirements for the ceremony, such as whether you want the bells rung, or if you will be having the ceremony filmed. If this is the case, then a separate “copyright” fee will need to be paid as you will be recording copyrighted material in the form of hymns. This applies to whether you are hiring a professional videographer or if a family member is going to be filming the ceremony.

Subsequent Meetings

Before the actual wedding ceremony, you will need to see the vicar again to arrange the reading of Banns and talk over any other details to do with the ceremony, such as the specific timing if that has not been established. The Vicar may prefer to do a couple of very thorough planning meetings and no wedding rehearsal, or maybe one of two meetings and an actual rehearsal in the church.

The Vicar will basically go through the ceremony with you set-by-step and will prompt you on anything if you have forgotten about it or not already raised it.

The Wedding Ceremony

The order of the Common Worship wedding ceremony (the only legal Church of England ceremony) runs as follows :

1. Hymn
2. Legal part of the ceremony
3. Hymn
4. Prayers
5. Signing of the Register

The ceremony would normally take 40 minutes, with 15 of these being for the signing of the register.

A couple of points to make are as follows :

• The Vows : There is now a single wedding vow as part of the Common Worship service with no options. The word “Obey” is not featured in it.

• Signing of the Register : The Bride and Groom will sign the register along with the Vicar and two adult witnesses, generally the Best Man and Chief Bridesmaid. The mother and father of both the bride and groom may also witness the signing, space permitting. Only the official photographer will be permitted to photograph the signing and filming of this part of the ceremony is strictly not allowed. This is because this part of the ceremony is a legal formality and hence is not allowed to be filmed.

• Readings are not part of the ceremony. However, by negotiation with the Vicar, a reading could be slotted in following the first hymn.

Music

The Director of Music (generally the Organist) can be as important to the wedding ceremony as the Vicar. It is a good idea to be introduced prior to the wedding, probably when you visit the church to hear the Banns being read. Two hymns is the norm in the ceremony, however three would be the maximum. It is normal convention that the music for walking down the aisle at the start and finish of the service, and for the hymns, be performed by the organist. It is up to the couple to discuss any specific requests with the Vicar or Director of Music, such as a “popular” song for entering the church, but this should be available as sheet music for the organist and hence cuts down on flexibility. The convention is since you are paying for the organist, you may as well use them! Music is normally played while the register is being signed and this is seen to be the point where the most flexibility can be used with regards to music. If a special performance is to be given by other musicians or singers, they should try to meet the Director of Music prior to the ceremony out of courtesy. Remember that churches sometimes do not offer the greatest of acoustics.

Order of Service

The Vicar will need to know in advance if you are not doing your own order of service so provision can be made for displaying numbers of hymns, distributing hymn books, etc. However, it is common these days for the couple to do their own Order of Service. The Vicar can advise you on putting this together with words of Hymns, titles of prayers, etc.

Photography

Professional wedding photographers know how things work in relation to taking photographs in and around churches. If it is a wet day, he will ask the Vicar’s permission to take a few photos in the church after the ceremony but don’t expect to be able to use the church for the entire photo session, as the Vicar will ask you to move on if you are doing more than a small number of shots. There is generally no restrictions to photography outside the church.

Flowers

The church is likely to have flowers in the church for the wedding anyway. It is often suggested that it is a waste of money to provide additional flowers at the church as you would need to spend a lot of money to provide enough flowers to be particularly noticeable. If you wish to provide additional flowers, a stand alone pedestal display which could be moved to the reception is worth considering, or small displays for the end of the pews.

Confetti

Once everyone is out of the church, that is normally the signal for the cleaner to close the doors and it is then safe to throw. However, each church will have its own preferences so talk to the Vicar before the ceremony. For example, if the church has a gravel path then may be banned on the church grounds.

Dress

There are absolutely no rules from the Church of England regarding what the Bride and Groom can and cannot wear. Some of the best weddings can be very informal with regards to dress. What you wear is down to your own preferences and possibly the expectations of your friends and families. The church has no rules regarding cleavage, which can often be a point of concern, but remember that the Vicar will take the ceremony from an elevated position!! If you are planning a “revealing” dress, it may be prudent to check it out with your Vicar beforehand to check if the church in question has any particular conventions.

Also, the Bride must not wear her Veil down during the wedding ceremony as it is a legal ceremony and the couple must be in full view.

Rings

The Vicar will need to know in advance how many rings are to be used during the ceremony as it will affect the grammar of certain wording during the ceremony.

Conclusion

There are certain rules with relation to the Church of England ceremony which must be adhered to, but a lot of it is down to what you want in the ceremony and what the Vicar is prepared to do. Also remember that the Director of Music is another important person to get to know.

Finally, it’s a serious service but have fun!