Post Nuptial Depression - Wedding Forum

Kezzer · #1 (**permalink**) 09-12-2004, 01:35 PM

I am very sorry to say that the post wedding come down hit me really hard and I found it hard to vocalise at the time.
I’d say it took me a good 3-4 months to actually remember the most wonderful day of my life fondly, without feeling teary and empty.

Being a planner by day & also a compulsive organiser I always joked that I never wanted to get married because for me it would be the ultimate party, therefore after I’d planned a wedding there would be nothing for me to look forward to…I never actually expected that this would be exactly how I felt!

So much time and effort, thought & planning went into this one day and I felt that it had gone by in a flash. Plus I did a fair amount of beating myself up that I didn’t spend enough time with hubby, didn’t spend time with enough of the guests e.t.c.

Another thought that I kept going back to was that that I’d never feel that gorgeous again, to be honest it was a bit of a surprise to me that I pulled it off in the first place! I have never been much of a girly girl & a lot of people were quite amazed by how well I scrubbed up on the day which was a first for me.

The first two times I saw the wedding video I sat & cried throughout the whole thing (alright, the second time I was a bit piss*d which didn’t help!). Almost every day I would take out the photo album and trawl through the pictures again and again.

Looking back there were quite a few contributory factors but at the time I couldn’t really see these. Being so unhappy where I lived and not being able to see a clear way out of that situation was a major problem, I just felt deflated, trapped and miserable.

Ultimately PND isn’t something that that gets shouted about when you’re talking about the joys of planning a wedding but this recent Observer says it can affect 1 in 10 couples…

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_ne...041708,00.html

I don’t want anyone to think I’m being a miserable cow but as this site is so popular with smuggies too I felt it was an important issue, maybe some of you may have some suggestions on how to avoid PND or good ways to get through it incase anyone else feels the same way that I did.

Kx

#2 (**permalink**) 09-12-2004, 02:59 PM

You know Kezzer, this is something that I can completley understand. I think when you put your all into something and then its 'over' you cant help but feel a bit deflated.

I am sure it is something all B2Bs worry about but like you, i hope that i will be able to get over it if it happens to me and take the day for what it was - me and my soulmate celebrating getting married - its really only the start after all.

Great piece

x

KM · #3 (**permalink**) 09-12-2004, 04:04 PM

Kerry,

Its actually a very good point you've raised.

I have read that PND is common, but I find its not really 'talked about' much. I have read about it in the odd magazine.

I'm really very very sorry that you went through this my love, and I am glad you are now better and look forward to the future with your lovely husband, as well as happily looking back over the best day of your lives (so far!)

Take care of yourself,

Karen xx

#4 (**permalink**) 09-12-2004, 06:32 PM

Ahhhh Kezzer I too did feel the same as you!

I actually felt extreme jealousy for those who were getting married after me as they 'had their day' to come and mine was over. I found it very very hard to look at our pictures and not have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wished we could do it all over again.

It was the best day of my life.

Actually, the worst bit is.......post honeymoon depression......to me our honeymoon was totally perfect and I doubt I will ever go on such an extravegant holiday to such an amazing hotel!!! Funny you should say this now, as I watched some video footage of our honeymoon at the weekend and it made me sad......and gutted I no longer look like that hahaha so shallow but you know what I mean.

Girls, the best is yet to come

Teresa · #5 (**permalink**) 10-12-2004, 06:11 AM

I'm feeling a bit like that now to be honest. Paul has been a bit grumpy too. We spent over a year planning our day and it took so much time and effort and it was all over in a flash.

I'm really fed up at the moment. I feel that I had such a big thing to look forward to for so long and now its all over and done with.

I did have the best day of my life and we had the most amazing time. Altogether we had a about a month of being high. We had the week off before the wedding and my cousin came over from Canada. In between doing last minute wedding bits, we went out and about and showed her the sights so that was a bit like a mini holiday too. Then after the wedding we had the most fantastic honeymoon. We really splashed out and I'm pretty sure that we'll never have a holiday like that again. That makes me a bit depressed too.

I'm really down in the dumps at the moment. I keep looking at the photos and wishing we could do it all again. I'm married to the man I love and that is the most important thing but I feel a bit like I'm in limbo at the moment. It was such a big important thing to look forward to and get excited about and now it feels like I have nothing to do and nothing to look forward to. I know I shouldn't feel like this as its just the start of our lives together but I do.

We got holiday vouchers as wedding presents so we're thinking of booking a holiday soon so that we've got something else to look forward to. I can't get excited about this though as I know it won't be to such a wonderful place as we went on our honeymoon.

Thanks girls. I feel really depressed at the minute but at least now I know I'm not the only one to feel like this and I will feel better soon.

Sara · #6 (**permalink**) 10-12-2004, 06:37 AM

Its is a really good point you raise. Gary's mum has warned me about this and I am trying to take heed of her advice and not focus every waking moment on planning the wedding and daydreaming about it. I said to her when she mentioned it to me that I couldn't see it happening to me after the wedding because hopefully we will be moving straight away and then hopefully trying for a family. I know that life is not going to change that dramatically after we are married because we already live together. I dont expect it to get any better than it is - it is already wonderful - but I hope things dont change for us after marriage and I hope we dont feel that void after talking about the wedding non-stop for nearly eighteen months.

I hope all of you feelling like this will feel better in time and realise that there are always things to look forward to - I totally understand though and I'm sure I am going to feel pretty much the same.

Its a really interesting point to bear in mind though and thank you for raising it.

Lady Rools · #7 (**permalink**) 10-12-2004, 06:06 PM

What a brill article Kezzer thank you. J has been saying to me for about 18 months now 'you are going to be a nightmare with no wedding to plan' and I have tried not be so obsessive

But I think the big thing for me (as it has been for others) will be everyone going home. We have so many people coming from Ireland, and my rellies from Oz, everything will seem empty too.

Thank for a brill article, I really enjoyed it xx

Jacqui · #8 (**permalink**) 12-12-2004, 01:54 PM

Great artical Kez!
I read the Guardian one pre wedding (2 weeks before to be exact!) and so was ready to some degree. Like Decords, I was (looking back) jealous as well of all those with their big day coming up when mine was just a memory (albeit a great one!). I found it so hard to look at the clothes section on this site!!

However, on a brighter note, I did get through it and now I feel so different attending weddings now than I did pre own wedding. The whole experience has given me such an amazing perspective on weddings, both understanding what has gone into making the day as well as the emotional understanding. I feel that I can relate to a greater degree with how the bride is feeling and getting the same rush as the bride walks up to meet her groom (no rhyming slang, thank you).

I do think there is alot to be said for being forewarned etc.

Nice one Kez!

Jac
xxx

a7lyg · #9 (**permalink**) 08-03-2005, 11:49 AM

OMG, so it's NOT just me!!! We both felt dreadful the day after our wedding, I couldn't stop crying and Billy was moping about - it was 3 days before we went on honeymoon and my back gave out when we were there and I ended up getting a disc out a month after we got back. When we both spoke about it months later we both agreed that it felt like Boxing Day - we got so worked up for one day and then..........NOTHING. I went into overdrive organising my 30th birthday party for the following year and then last year I went into overdrive organising our anniversary and then our holiday to Cuba - we had many a fight about it, I was accused of being a control freak. The fact of the matter is that I was upset I had nothing to look forward to, nothing to plan and I felt empty. Now, at last, 3 years later, I learn there's a name for it!

Sunshine · #10 (**permalink**) 29-03-2005, 07:27 PM

Dudesses......can I just say that I think wedding planning can become quite stressful and your brain can often get tired of making one decision after another. Espesh if you are like me .....changing your mind more than you have hot dinners......and having gone through the whole spectrum of colours for "the colour scheme".....ha ha ha.

Although it has been exciting.......I do look fwd to getting the stress out the way and looking forward to the rest of my life as a Mrs.

I can imagine though that it's a weird feeling just afterwards.....so I will bear that in mind and plan some exciting days leading up to the honeymoon.

Good idea by the way to have hols vouchers as wedding prezzies so there's something else to look fwd to.

FAB!!!

Glad also to hear that those who are now in wedded bliss are feeling better with the PND thing.

Take care folks.

evie · #11 (**permalink**) 04-08-2005, 12:32 PM

I have only just read this and I have to say I thought it was only me! After the wedding we went straight home, and that was it.

We couldnt afford to go on honeymoon, and we didnt have any money after the wedding either. We had a week off work together which we spent doing nothing because we were so broke. The money we got from the wedding had to be used to go food shopping and petrol and things, which I was devastaed about but we didnt have much choice. Most of our wages had been taken up with getting the last fews bits for the wedding, even though it was a simple affair.

I knew I would feel a bit ' lost' because I would have nothing to really do, but I wasn;t prepared for how low I felt and how I felt I had nothing to look forward to. I even spent my week off after the wedding getting drunk most nights and putting my dress on again to watch TV in the house!

I think it's something that isn't talked about enough, probably because it's something quite sad and its not something you want to discuss when B2B's are happy doing their planning.

lissapink · #12 (**permalink**) 05-08-2005, 02:04 PM

i have bouts of this still every other day i got wed june 4th and the next day i got home and cried on and off all day i thought it was just me being mardy but now i know what i felt was normal thanks guys however i still feel low when i think about it all beingover as i loved my day so much and i cant lookat my pics or dvd without a tear or a million and a sad its overfeeling inside so i havent looked ta m pics or dvd for a bit now until i feel i can oh what i lie i look at them eveyday and just let my emotions go

mich1607 · #13 (**permalink**) 05-08-2005, 06:37 PM

Its such a relief tohear other people fell the same, I had a good cry today and Brian was like Huh!!! its a month next weekend we have been married and all I want to do is put my dress backon and do it all again....

I fell really flat going back to work and the humdrum of normal life, but that what we had before we made the decision to get married so why should it be any different.

Oh well I have 2 weddings to go to yet this year that will have to suffice

lissapink · #14 (**permalink**) 12-08-2005, 01:22 PM

mine has now been over two months just and i am still having moments and still when i look at my pics and dvd i feel sad and cry because still i cant believe it is over how sad am i no dont answer that that was not a question ha ha ha

Hels · #15 (**permalink**) 24-03-2006, 06:20 AM

Just wondered whether anyone still gets a tinge of the post wedding blues even quite a while after the wedding? I am approaching my 1st anniversary and although I am excited, I am going to someone elses wedding. I am looking forward to the wedding but can't help feeling resentful that I can't spend the time doing something special for just the two of us and that all the organising/celebrating is so long ago.
Wish I could stop feeling like this, I should be more happy for the people whose wedding we're going to but just can't seem to snap out of it. Anyone know what I mean?