Dear all, I didn';t think I'd ever have to go through this, or ever have to come on this part of groovy, our marriage is over, we have been together over 10 years,(all of my adult life, I'm 30,ha ha,31 on Sunday, happy birthday to me eh) married for 3/12, things have been wrong for a long time and he is now considering our future, basically he doesn't love me in a sexual way anymore (I blame myself entirely), he says he still loves me but not in the "right way", we are still living together, neither wants to move out as we don't really have anywhere to go but at the same time home doesn't feel like home anymore, we have rescue cats and I absolutely dread to think what will happen to them as they are the only source of love and affection I get and I don't want to lose them as well the though of taking our cats back to the rescue home breaks my heart in millions of pieces, I am completely in limbo right now, he won't let me anywhere near him, he is being so cold things have been wrong for a long time and now it's too late to fix it and I am in so much pain that I've never felt before, no-one has actually said the marriage is over yet, I want him to as I want to make things work, but if he doesn't I want him to TELL me so I can start to grieve or at least lose that glimmer of hope we could try and make things work, a lot of people would say finish it yourself, but 10 years is a long time and I love him so much. All I get is negativity from him (I'm sure he's only not finished it because of the practicalities of what we have to lose, ie house, where would we live?), I know what I have done wrong, I have not been supportive enough, I've rarely been in the mood to make love because of my low self esteem, always rejecting him, never instigating lovemaking myself and I have been down for a long time due to various issues, I never wanted kids when he did and then decided it's what I want and so now I'm getting my just deserts. I also suspect someone else but he will neither confirm or deny saying that I wouldn't believe him no matter what so what does it matter? I wanted us to have a happy marriage and kids and it's all too late, life over.
I don't want anyone else ever, I have to sleep in a separate room now as I can't face sleeping next to him knowing he doesn't want me, I feel fat, ugly, unattractive, lonely, isolated and unlovable.
Can someone please help take this pain away, I just want to sleep and never wake up right now
sorry, I haven't been around for a while but now you know why
thank you if you've got this far, lots of love, sarah xx

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Taking life one day at a time xx

Oh Sarah, I'm so so sorry

I really do feel some counselling would be helpful for you to work out some of these issues? Relate will see you on your own if necessary.

10 years is a long time, and your marriage means a lot to you. I would fight to save it for a bit longer, then if it doesn't work you have a clear conscience?

Whatever happens you WILL get through this and out the other side, and you WILL be happy again.

Do stick around on Groovy if it will help. that you reach some resolution.

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The IVF worked!!! William Robert born 21st Dec06www.picturetrail.com/jonathansel

Hi babe
thanks for replying, at present he is out now, it is gone midnight and it's a thursday night, what does that tell you? I deserve better, I have gone through hell the past few weeks, he won't admit anything so my barriers have gone up and I just want an end to this, I never want anyone else ever again, just want to be happy (sorry, am replying after a load of wine as well xx)
hope you are both well xx

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Taking life one day at a time xx

Sarah don't be so down on yourself. It is not entirely your fault, if he thought something was wrong he should have come straight to you. Not to try and upset you anymore but I would believe there is someone else. You need to grieve and you need to do it now. Then you can pick yourself up, dust off, lift your head and continue on with life. I wouldn't worry about thinking wanting anyone else you need to recover from this. Why don't the both of you sit down and have a good talk. Tell him you need to know his thoughts and wants so you can re-evaluate your life. Break out the tissuses, chocs and ice cream and go for it girl. Then you realise you have woken up one day and not cried never look back. Get you self-esteem back too. Take a dance class or something like that, get out of the house as well so it doesn't feel llke a prison and let him wonder where you are. Remember one very important thing: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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D'OH