Found out something I really didn't want to know - Wedding Forum

SarahG · #1 (**permalink**) 10-07-2006, 03:04 PM

Sorry, being a pain in the rear end again
I have found out through who I thought was a friend what my exh to be has been up to, he has been seen at a work party all over some tart ("getting off with her" - don't know if its a one off or more than that, he's 33 FFS!! and quite senior in his role!)! Now I TOLD my friends that if they find out any information not to tell me as I know it would destroy me and one decided to, we split up 2.5 months ago, she thought it would get me to the "Hate" stage, but I won't, he's not a strong enough character within himself to cause me to hate him, he is pathetic, I pity him, I feel sorry and sad for him, he is the child that never grew up but unfortunately I got caught in the middle.

It's my decision as to what stage I am at, I am a
completely different person to my so-called friend, digging for info or not I would say to someone who even attempted to tell me to please don't out of respect for my friend, I feel like my relationship and marriage of over 10 years has become
cheapened and was meaningless, my thoughts are if I was that desperate to know what he was doing then I'd ask him as it was us in the marriage and no-one else, it's no-one else's business really to discuss what he or I do (as to me that's just gossiping ). God knows what else has gone on but I really don't want to know, if it wasn't for my new job I would like to leave the country right now just to get away from it all

I now feel like the world is laughing at me, he has made me feel like I did I was hurt by boys at 16, yes we are technically not together but I feel he has cheapened everything we had how he's behaved, I feel embarrassed, like I've wasted the last 10 years of my life, he can be the gossip of effing (company name) sad sad little world but I want no part of it, I am desperate for my divorce now and to completely disassociate myself from him, unfortunately he is still legally married to me and I really wish that wasn't the case, I can't eat, I can't sleep, this has finished me off

Laurie · #2 (**permalink**) 10-07-2006, 03:26 PM

You're still grieving, what you feel is not unusual.

Try not to look at the 10 years as a waste, it's helped you to develop as a person into who you are today. You've had good experiences that you will one day be able to look back on. You've met people and done things that you may not have done otherwise.

People aren't laughing at you, they're just being nosey and insensitive looking for gossip because that's how they get their kicks. How sad they must be

If anyone tries to tell you info about him, tell them (abruptly if necessary) that you couldn't give a toss so don't bother saying anything. I still maintain a good relationship with my ex's brother and his wife (who was my BM) and 'his' name never crops up so I live in blissful ignorance.

I promise you that it gets easier.

Taz · #3 (**permalink**) 10-07-2006, 03:57 PM

I agree with Lauz - i felt the same as you but learnt to ignore what people told me and believe me so many peopl called me even His so called girlfriend and her friends.

Hugg flower

Mrs F · #4 (**permalink**) 10-07-2006, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurie

You're still grieving, what you feel is not unusual.

Try not to look at the 10 years as a waste, it's helped you to develop as a person into who you are today. You've had good experiences that you will one day be able to look back on. You've met people and done things that you may not have done otherwise.

People aren't laughing at you, they're just being nosey and insensitive looking for gossip because that's how they get their kicks. How sad they must be

If anyone tries to tell you info about him, tell them (abruptly if necessary) that you couldn't give a toss so don't bother saying anything. I still maintain a good relationship with my ex's brother and his wife (who was my BM) and 'his' name never crops up so I live in blissful ignorance.

I promise you that it gets easier.

Couldnt have said it any better.

It will get easier.

KarenE · #5 (**permalink**) 10-07-2006, 05:27 PM

Teresa · #6 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 03:43 AM

Dawnie · #7 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 05:11 AM

Kezzer · #8 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 11:20 AM

As I've already said hun, he's made himself look like the idiot not you, you're behaving like the mature dignified woman you are. You're best out of it and hopefully in the not too distant future you'll be chuffed that you still have your whole life ahead of you still.

Lots of love x

Ang · #9 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 11:28 AM

Lady Rools · #10 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 04:27 PM

Stay strong love, like you said, you arent with him any more and you dont need to know what he is up to. And it doesnt matter to you or your future who he snogs, he is just being a typical male and responding to his grief in the way men know how. (sorry J) i.e by being a bit twatty at his office party. He will regret that in the weeks to come, office party snogs are always a bad idea.

Stay strong, focus on the future and on building your inner strength xx

Hels · #11 (**permalink**) 12-07-2006, 06:16 AM

Lauries has wise words.
I'm really sorry what your friend told you has left you feeling like this, I hope you feel better soon.
x

nikki · #12 (**permalink**) 12-07-2006, 02:23 PM

What a tiny minded tosser; I'm sure everyone was embarrassed seeing his behaviour. You do right not to want to know anything about him; it's the best way.

N xxx

mella · #13 (**permalink**) 02-08-2006, 09:59 AM

I'm sorry, honey.

(hug)

Why don't you get away for a bit? Would that help?

Mel
xxx