Devastated - Wedding Forum

Jo · #1 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 07:16 AM

Hi All

This weekend H2B announced that he cannot go thru with the wedding. As you can imagine I have been left devastated. He says that he cannot give a marriage the commitment and hardwork it needs and is being cruel to be kind.

I have spent all weekend in floods of tears, I can't bring myself to be near him right now. The relationship is in deep trouble.

I have a so many plans in place now for the wedding and am dreading June when my dress will be ready for collection.

I feel so terrible that I haven't been able to tell anyone, not my best friend or my Mum.

Some of you may know I'm having a bad time with my job right now and of course the wedding and my marriage have kept me sane thru the last few months. Now I have hit rock bottom.

Of course I am hoping that I can salvage all of this but am not hopeful. I love this person so deeply I feel crushed.

Thanks for listening, thanks for the laughs, help and support and may MGW go on forever.

Jo

PS - Ness etc, I won't be coming along on Thursday, have a great evening.

roz · #2 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 07:42 AM

I'm devestated for you

Couldn't read and not reply.

Have you thought about relate or something?

If this is the end then I hope it's not too long before you can find the positives and move forwards.

Tell your Mum - you need her support.

Thinking of you.

Roz,xxx

mella · #3 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 07:49 AM

Angela,

That's terrible!

You have to tell your mum. You will need to talk about it - the fact that you've posted a message here shows this.

Does he still want to be with you do you think?

On a smaller scale, I remember Ben changing his mind about moving in with me after we'd been house hunting. I know its not the same but I know how terrible I felt then. It felt like the future with him had been wiped away and that there was no point if we had no future. I started planning to move to new york! Then Ben changed his mind.

I couldn't have done without my mum then. You must speak to her and share it with someone as soon as you're ready.

We're here for you of course, so please cry on our shoulders whenever.

(huge huge huge hugs)

mel
xxx

Teresa · #4 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 07:52 AM

Thats so terrible, I'm devastated for you too.

Like Roz said I think you should tell your mum or your best friend. It will probably be a relief for you to share this with someone and they will be able to give you much needed support.

Counselling or relate might be a good idea.

I hope you manage to move forward and get this sorted out.

Am thinking of you.

Teresa
xx

Bianca · #5 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 08:27 AM

Jo, I dont really know what to say. I want to send you lots of

and let you know I am thinking of you and am praying that you can sort this out.

I really think you should tell your mum or your closest friend, it will really help you to talk about this with someone. They can hold you and hug you and even if they cant make things all better, you can share your feelings.

As the others said, relate is supposed to be very good and worth thinking about maybe?

Massive hugs to you

xxxxx

vickilewis · #6 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 09:02 AM

aw honey, big huge massive hugs to you, can't imagine what you are gouing through. can't imagine it at all. just try to tell someone and then ascertain where you both go from here.

good luck and lots of love

V xx

Beth · #7 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 09:10 AM

Jo,

So sorry to hear this. Tell your Mum if you can as she'll be the rock that you need at the moment.

Take care,
Beth

Dawnmm77 · #8 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 09:13 AM

I dont know what to say except

and to send you my thoughts and hopes that it will all have a good outcome.

Thinking of you, keep your chin up and remember we're always here if you want to talk, moan or rant.

Love Dawn xx

AngelaW · #9 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 09:40 AM

So sorry to hear about this Jo

Please try to speak to your mum or a friend...

Lynne · #10 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 09:45 AM

Lxx

KarenE · #11 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 10:10 AM

Awww Jo, I am so sorry.

If you can't talk to someone you know, consider the other counselling organisations.

It is not impossible for him to change his mind, but you need to grieve for everything first. Some men get very scared when it comes to marriage ,etc. One lad I knew had real problems after he got married with getting his head around the fact he WAS married - it took months for them to sort it out.

Cry for as long as you want, but get some support too...

Let us know how you get on.

J · #12 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 10:31 AM

Just wanted to give you a

Jx

claireg · #13 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 11:09 AM

Just wanted to echo everyone elses sentiments and send you lots of

s. Please talk to someone about this though you need a shoulder and remember the Groovers are always here for you. Huge huge huge hugs Claire

Lo · #14 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 11:12 AM

Oh Jo, I'm so sorry.

I kinda know what you're going through to a point, as Mark and I called everything off too about 10 months before the day (obviously we got through this, thankfully).

Please, please tell your mum, my mum was my rock. I didn't actually tell my mum, I just showed her my hand (coz I'd taken the ring off) and burst into tears (and I'm going again now just thinking of it for you

) and she kinda went into auto pilot. That's why we love our mums so much

Also, as much as it hurts to be around him, you must, even if you sit on the sofa together, it's a start. If you think it's worth saving, start fighting.

This may sound like a cliche, but writing down exactly what was going through my head helped me through this dark time. It sounds so obvious, but I had SO many things going round and round I needed to write them down to make any sense! And ask him to do to too. It took a week for us to finally sit down together and we talked late into the night.

Cripes, I seem to have written a small novel,
Thinking of you,
Lo xxx

PS, We'll miss you on thursday, but we understand.

Dawnie · #15 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 11:18 AM

Dear God, what a terrible time you're having at the moment Jo.

I dearly hope that you both get through this and still end up marrying each other - but whatever happens, please feel free to come on here and shout, cry, whatever.

We're all here for you - promise

but please tell your mum - mum's are really good at this sort of thing and i'm sure you must need her support at the moment.

Take care

Lady Rools · #16 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 11:52 AM

I really really hope it works out for you, weddings are very very scary things for some men and if you have been stressed at work maybe he has been thinking that the wedding has been the focus rather than your love and life together.

My thoughts are with you xxx

nikki · #17 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 03:19 PM

Hi Jo,

Don't know if you will log in to see all these responses but if you do, I hope you find some comfort and advice here.

I do know what you are going through because a few years before I met Nick I had a wedding called off too. I was actually glad because I was making a huge mistake; unlike you, I didn't love my H2B (very long story) - still, it was a horrible shock and the change to my life and my future plans was enormous. It really sent me reeling and it took me a long time to get over the shock of it.

My mum and a couple of good friends were invaluable to me - use the support that is there for you - it only takes a second to blurt out what has happened and the support comes flooding in.

I'm thinking of you

N xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Heather · #18 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 03:46 PM

I really don't know what to say........ but I am thinking of you!

H

valentina · #19 (**permalink**) 23-04-2003, 06:29 PM

Jo, Thats awful, Im so sorry. I hope you can both sit down and talk and work things out. Im a great believer in everything happens for a reason and if its meant to be, it will be. I agree with everyone else when they say tell ur mum or friend. You need the support.
Good luck, Im thinking of u.
Love Laura. xxx

sapphire_aus · #20 (**permalink**) 24-04-2003, 05:05 AM

Jo, I don't know you, but I just want to send you all my wishes, and tell you I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I hope it's a bump in the road and he comes to his senses once he realizes what he's throwing away. You need to tell your mum or your close friend. You need to get a big hug from your mum. She'll help you through this.

My thoughts are with you.

Jen1 · #21 (**permalink**) 24-04-2003, 05:44 PM

Jo

What a terrible time you must be going through. If I lived near you I would be round giving you big

Please, please talk to someone. I don't like the fact that you are going through this on your own (well you have us) but you really need your mum or best friend.

I hope you come through this okay and I hope to see you on here again soon.

I'm thinking of you

Love Jen xxx