Here goes.............. - Wedding Forum

#1 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 06:01 AM

....Mark & I have decided that we are going to postpone the wedding for a bit. Weve been talking about it a lot lately and have both decided that its the best thing for us. It isn't because we dont want to get married, its just that we feel we havent done any of the stuff that we said we wanted to do when we got engaged and its just 10 months away now.

As some of you will know, I had a really hard few months last year with both my parents being very, very ill and various other problems. Well, I was really stressed, unhappy in my job, hardly saw Mark as he was working on the house all the time so I was left to sort the wedding on my own. We wanted it to be a joint venture where we both enjoyed the run up to our wedding, but it hasnt happened that way as there has been far too much other stuff going on for us to physically be able to enjoy it.

We bought the house jsut after getting engaged and as you know, Mark spent literally every day for over a year working on it. The plan was to have the house ready so that we could spend some real time in it together before the wedding - well, that hasnt happend. The house itself is finished but theres still a good few months work needed outside and then the inside needs redoing as the plaster has all settled so by the time its done, itll only be a matter of a couple of months till the wedding and then the stress of that will kick in. We just want the house finished, some time for us and then start to think about the wedding again when weve done all we want and can enjoy it. I know some people will say stop working on the house and start again after the wedding but we dont want to take all this through to married life with us. We want it all to be done so we can start off as newleyweds happy and settled with the chance to spend our time together.

We love each other dearly and want to give us the best start to married life we possibly can, and if we went ahead as planned we dont believe we would be doing that. We just want the chance to be a young couple in love and do 'normal' things like go away for the odd night and day whenever we want, get dressed up and go to expensive restaurants, treat each other and mostly, just cuddle up on the sofa without any worries or stresses.

Wether its in 2 years or 5 years, we will get married and we will be happy because we will have done all the things that we want to have. And I honestly believe our relationship will be stronger for it.

It would be easy just to carry on as planned but wheres the point in that? Were getting married because we love each other and if you love someone, you need to be honest with them. Since weve been talking about this, I have fallen in love with Mark again, ive saw a different side to him.

And at the end of the day, the most important thing is that we are together, happy and in love

Thanks for listening

P xxx

Ps, this does not mean you are getting rid of me!!!

Lady Rools · #2 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 06:09 AM

Hey Paula

It sounds like you and Mark have made a really good decision between you. All of your reasons are spot on and you're right..you do deserve to have time as a couple treating yourselves and you can get married at any time. Jack and I keep postponing our wedding date as we want to give Annabel a great start in life and then we wanted our own house...and we still want to have nice holidays and go to nice places and 'enjoy each other'. Hurrah for you for taking this big step, the most important thing is that you and Mark are totally in love and want to be with each other. I hope you enjoy your new stress reduced life together and eventually enjoy planning the wedding as a couple.

Love
Rooley
p.s. I hope you are feeling better

J · #3 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 06:30 AM

Like Rooley says, hurrah for you for taking this decision, it'll make life easier for you by the sounds of it and give you chance to enjoy each other without getting mega-stressed.

Jx

Kezzer · #4 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 06:34 AM

Paula that’s a really really lovely post

It sounds like you and Mark have thought about this and that the decision you’ve made is the right one.
As you say it’ll be fab to spend a bit of time in the house with it all looking lovely, cuddling up on the sofa admiring all your hard work. Also it’ll be much nicer to plan the wedding you want together without any stress or hurry

claireg · #5 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 07:24 AM

Only you and Mark know whens the right time for you and if the times not right as you said youll only end up mega stressed, well done both of you for being sensible about it all and im so glad were not loosing you!

Bianca · #6 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 07:30 AM

Paula,

I really think that you and Mark are doing the right thing.

It's what you both want, it's making you less stressed and that can only be a good thing!

So glad you are staying, and in a few years time I hope we'll be able to share both your excitement as you start to plan your wedding together

Loads of love
bee
xxxx

Lo · #7 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 08:15 AM

Paula

Well done you for being able to make this decision, it must of been a very tough time but you remembered why you were getting married - cos you

each other!! And like you said, it doesn't really matter when, just that it's still to each other

Mark and I were in a similar situation, where we could either get married OR buy a house. We eventually chose to get married as we'd probably have kept postponing (we're are those type of people!) and in the end we bought a house, got 2 kittens, and moved in 4 weeks before the wedding

Nothing like a bit of stress to add to the excitement of the day

Lo xxx

*Jo* · #8 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 09:02 AM

Heehee, definitely know where you're coming from on this one! In the time since we got engaged, me & hubby have redecorated 2 houses (OK, still doing one!!), moved twice, changed jobs twice (each)... I know I keep going on about it, but there was so much going on in our lives on top of all that and the wedding, that it didn't make for a particularly calm and stress-free lifestyle before we got married. Having said that, I wouldn't have changed much. I like the fact we're making a home for ourselves together, and we've got something to channel our energy into after the wedding - no room for that "Is it all over now?" feeling. I'm not saying you're wrong at all to postpone your big day - only you two can really know what's best for you - I just hope you don't wait forever to find a convenient gap in life to do your planning, cos in my experience it doesn't work that way!
Don't worry tho, whenever it is you get back on the planning wagon, you know we'll all be here wanting all the details...

Jo

Teresa · #9 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 09:05 AM

Well done to both of you on making this decision, it must have been very hard.

It sounds as though you are doing the right thing and if its what you both want and you feel better because of it then you must be doing whats right for you.

We were in a similar situation too as there were other things we wanted to do like buy a house and do a bit of travelling as well as like you to just spend time together. The wedding kept getting put off but now we've decided to go for it next Autumn as we've got our house sorted (well almost) so we've got the time and money to plan the wedding we want without stressing about other stuff.

Glad to hear that you are going to stick around though.

nikki · #10 (**permalink**) 05-09-2003, 05:15 PM

An excellent and very sensible decision Paula - after all, you ahve the rest of your lives together, no need to rush into a wedding that you might not fully enjoy.

You've been so unwell it makes sense to wait until you are feeling fully right and have your house all sorted out - then you can truly revel in your wedding plans.

And I'm sure we won't be losing you!

N xxx

Heather · #11 (**permalink**) 06-09-2003, 10:26 AM

Sounds like you've both thought long & hard about what you want that's best for both of you!
At least you have the advantage that you're living together, you have your house that you're making into your home.......

You'll have plenty of time to relax, settle into the house etc, and then take the time to save, prepare & plan your perfect day!

H

PS No running away!!!! You're always welcome here!!!

#12 (**permalink**) 07-09-2003, 09:54 AM

Thanks for your kind words everyone! Its been really nice to hear other peoples opinions and its made us evern more sure we are doing the right thing.

Jo, I totally understand what you were saying about there never being a convienent gap in your life to plan a wedding. It was one of the things we really worried about while talking about this but have decided we know us well enough to know we areent like that. Were just waiting till it feels like its not such a rush and we can enjoy it. As soon as the house is finished, we'll enjoy just beign together and the wedding will still be the next thing we do (jsut dont know when at the minute!!)

We arent even going to think about another date for a while yet as we are not going to do this again! When we set the date again, we WILL be getting married then!

I know it probably sounds daft, but even in the few days since we made our decision, things have been better. Were talking about 'nothing in particular' the way we used to and finding out stuff just in conversation. It just felt like we had stopped talking about anything other than the house and wedding and we havent mentioned either for a good few days and it feels fab!

Weve also booked a holiday with my parents again next year and we leave on the day the wedding should have been so itll be nice to be doing something with people around us then as I imagine itll still feel a bit weird on the day even though its what we both want.

Oh, and we havent lost 1 deposit which is a bonus too (not that money matters when making a decision like this). All our people have been fantastic and either said they will keep them indefinatelty or we can have them back.

Hope all you B2Bs keep enjoying their planning and ill be back talking colour schemes before you know it!

Take care everyone and thanks again for llistening xxx