Church vs Registry Office - Wedding Forum

#1 (**permalink**) 18-01-2004, 07:50 AM

We were at our friend last night and they got out their wedding piccies for us to have a look at. They had a lovey do in gorgeous Registry Office in one of the local towns here. Eventually it turned to the subject of our wedding and what we wanted. Mark was saying that if he was honest, hed probalby prefer a Registry Office than a Church do.

Ive always wanted a Church wedding but now I know that he'd prefer to get married in a Registry Office Im a bit confused! I have absolutley nothing against it and if he felt better about it (he hates being the centre of attention) then its something were going to have to think about seriously.

I just wondered if you had your heart set on a Church and your partner wanted a Registry Office, what would you do and how would you feel about missing out on a big part of what youd always imagined your wedding day to be like? If this has happened to anyone, were you reluctant and it turned out great or do you hold it against your partner?

Sorry for all the questions, Its just got me thinking.

P xxx

Im also worried my dress would be 'too much' for a Registry Office

!

Heather · #2 (**permalink**) 18-01-2004, 09:44 AM

We had a civil ceremony..... neither of us wanted a "Church" wedding, when taking about it Matt said he didn't want to be "hypocritical" by getting married in church when he didn't go etc
I had never really dreamt about my wedding being the "Big Church Do", white dress, lots of bridesmaids etc etc etc
BUT I did know that I wasn't really wanting a quiet registry office do either, so we settled on a civil ceremony, this way we could have the "non religious" service but still have the ceremony in a location of our choice

Good luck with the thinking about it... it's not always an easy choice to make, and don't worry about your dress..... It's your wedding and any way who says that a certain type of Wedding Dress is "Too Much" for a registry office??????

H

PS If you decide on a civil ceremony or a registry office don't let people tell you that your wedding is in anyway less important than if it had been in a church... I've had it said to me!

KM · #3 (**permalink**) 18-01-2004, 10:46 AM

Hiya Paula

This is interesting!

Me and Jonathan have our wedding ceremony booked at a historical home ~ however, I had always dreamed of having a church wedding. This is especially because I feel that church wedding vows are important to me.

We booked the civil wedding because Jonathan also didn't fancy a church wedding, as at the time he wasn't quite religious.

He still isn't religious, but a few days ago we had a heart to heart, and I let slip that I had always dreamt about a church wedding.

So, he has said he is now going to enquire about churches in the area where we want to be married as he said he feels it is more important to me than it is to him. (If that makes sense?!)

At the end of the day, the most important thing to me is that Jonathan is made my husband. But, deep inside, it would be nice to have things how I had wanted.

Really though, the wedding day will be extra special regardless!

My brother had a registry office wedding, oh and Paula it WAS still very special and romantic. I just think it is down to the individual...

If you don't want a registry office wedding, and Mark doesn't want a church wedding, maybe you could meet in the middle and have a civil ceremony in a stately home/ historical building as per mine and Jonathans original plans. It is worth thinking about.

Remember Paula, it is both your wedding day!

Let us know how things progress.

Love & hugs, Karen xx

nikki · #4 (**permalink**) 18-01-2004, 01:03 PM

Do you mean registry office or civil ceremony Paula? I wouldn't fascy some registry offices but others a re very nice, and civil weddings can be just as posh as a church do (I hope mine was) - in a nice hotel for example.

Personally it seemed wrong to me to get married in church. I actually do believe in God but I've never worshipped and neither had Nick (not since his Sunday School days anyway) so it seemed morally wrong to get married in a church when I had no intention of setting foot in one again -as if I would be using the place, not respecting it. Then again, no offence to those who choose to marry in church but not go, that's a personal choice!

So really I suppose it depends WHY you want to get married in church - cos I promise, a civil ceremony in a lovely venue is just as good and you get all the same trappings, except maybe for the car? The ceremony is shorter but it's lovely, and you can pad it out with readings.

HTH

N xxx

#5 (**permalink**) 18-01-2004, 03:19 PM

Thanks everyone, youve made some really good points.

Nikki, we were specifically talking about Registry Office Weddings and to be fair, Weybridge is about as stunning as they get. I think when we sit down and talk seriously about it, Ill put the idea of a Civil Ceremony forward as a road that we could do down.

Marks not a believer in God although hes been through all the baptism and all and I have too up to the level of Confirmation. I spent a lot of time in Church when I was younger via school and I just always thought id get married there.

At the end of the day as long as were married thats the main thing and he deserves to be just as happy with it all as I am.

I like the idea od a Stately Home or posh hotel so will have a look round to see where offers what.

Thanks again

P xxx

Heather, thanks for the reassurance about my frock! Your right, I dont care what anyone thinks!

KM · #6 (**permalink**) 18-01-2004, 03:28 PM

It'll all work out for you Paula

Teresa · #7 (**permalink**) 19-01-2004, 05:21 AM

We're having a church do after finally making a decision about what to do. I'd always imagined getting married in church but Paul wasnt' so bothered. At the end of the day, getting married is the most important thing, not the venue.

We talked about civil ceremonies in a nice venue and about a registry office too but always came back to the church idea so decided to go with that. We even talked about going abroad but decided against this pretty quickly as we wanted our families there.

I think where and how you get married is a very personal decision and whatever you decide it will be the most special day.

Your dress is lovely and definately not too much for a civil do. Its your choice as to what you wear. I went to a registry office wedding last year and it was nice. The bride wore a huge dress and whent the whole hog with veil, tiarra etc and no one said that it was too much.

I think you both need to be happy and decide together about what to do.

Jacqui · #8 (**permalink**) 19-01-2004, 06:30 AM

Well, Trev is not in the least bit religious and also did not fancy the idea of a church wedding ("and all that goes with it"). but for me it had to be a church wedding. I would not have felt married without God's blessing (yes T and I are like night and day when it comes to religion!! oh the heated debates!!) so for me, Trev agreed to marry in the church (not that it was left at that of course....for the year leading up he kept reminding me that David Bowie married just up the road in Bromley Reg....).

Where to marry is such a personal choice but as a church is a place of worship and for me the Lord's house (well, one of many!) it would not be right to me to marry in a church for any other reason that to have the Lord's blessing. Take it from me, the church we married in was not that flash and had an oder in it (musty!!). But for me the most important thing was that we got the blessing we need!!! (Oh and the "grounds" were not the best also!!).

However, one of the most romantic cermonies was a civil one up near Notts. It really was so beautiful.

Jac
xxx

Dawnie · #9 (**permalink**) 19-01-2004, 09:48 AM

Hi Paula,

Friends of ours had a civil ceremony at a place called the Orsett Hall. It's a gorgeous old country house and the whole day was magic!!!

I've only been to a couple of registry offices and the ones i've seen never look 'pretty' enough for a wedding but this place looked absolutely spectacular and very grand.

Also give you the opportunity to wear your big frock without looking 'overdressed'.

Definitely worth looking into if Mark really doesn't want a church wedding.