told my parents - Wedding Forum

lisastef · #1 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 06:51 AM

well we did it told my parents we are getting married

to say they were shocked was an understatement!!

dad said he was happy if we were and mum said nothing

since had a huge bust up with sister - aparentley only thinking of myself and not others and others feelings.

thing is my grandma past away in January and it gunna be a tough xmas for dad. I thought that the wedding would be something for him to look forward to rather than focusing on the past and getting upset.

sister told me i am to busy with my head stuck up my backside to care about anyone else!!!

Was i being insensitive??

got really upset yesterday as just want everyone to be happy for us and seems its gone the other way....

Tulip · #2 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 07:16 AM

We had a similar experience when we got engaged. Although we'd been together for a couple of years I was only 18 at the time... One half of my family was really happy for us. The other either went silent about it or told me exactly what they thought... I spent days in tears - and it should have been a happy time!

Easy to say but try not to let it get to you. You're right - this is a good thing and should give your dad something to look forward to. He's happy so there's no reason other people should say you're being insensitive.

I bet your grandma would be really happy for you too. This may sound really awful but she passed away in January - which was nearly a year ago now - you can't put your life on hold because of this. (I hope you can see what I mean by that - I don't mean any offence at all.)

With time I'm sure your sister and mum will be happy for you.

xxx

KM · #3 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 07:28 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that the reaction to your engagement news wasnt as you'd hoped.

Is it because of the passing of your nan that your family (apart from your dad) arnt happy for you?

I am sorry to hear that you lost your nan a year ago come January, but your family should understand that life doesnt and shouldnt stop for you. I bet your nan would be as proud as punch.

I am sure they will come round with time, and I am pleased that your dad is happy for you at the very least.

x

lisastef · #4 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 07:30 AM

Thanks

I said to my sister am i suppose to put it on hold till everyones life is perfect??

you are right about my grandma and I didnt take offense.

I am suppose to be dress shoppping on saturday and doesnt look as though my mum is coming! its is a first try on so chance of me finding 'the' dress are slim but wanted her there, am going with a bm instead.

hope you are right and they do come round

Sara · #5 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 07:33 AM

Well done for telling them. Perhaps they are just worried about you and in time they will realise you are happy and are doing the right thing.

I dont think you are being selfish at all. Its really sad that your grandma died in January - but life goes on and I'm sure she will be looking down on you and smiling.

lisastef · #6 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 07:34 AM

its was my dad's mum that passed so the fact he is happy is great but my sister went mad and called me all sorts of names

my sister is having a hard time with her boyf at the mo and after my grandma passed dad dissowned his family after a huge fight and this is gunna be his first christmas withouyt any of his family - i thought the wedding would give him something else to focus on

thanks

Ang · #7 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 07:36 AM

I'm sorry they haven't taken it as you'd have liked them to. I agree you can't put your life on hold because of your grandma and I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted you to anyway. Do what's right for you Lisa and I'm sure they'll come round in time.

Ang xxx

KarenE · #8 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 08:09 AM

Things are always fraught around Xmas - especially the first Christmas after a bereavement. Give it some time - but enjoy your engagement, and bugger anyone else!

lisastef · #9 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 08:11 AM

cheers karen
hopefully in the new year they will all come round to the idea

lisastef · #10 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 08:14 AM

i must admit i was far from close with my grandmother only saw her once a year so thats why i thought something for my dad to focus would be good - maybe i didnt think of him enough.

oh well they know now and just need for them to have it sink in

manic jo · #11 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 10:34 AM

Well done lisa. you dad sounds please for you adn that the mosrt important thing, it ws his mum that passed away , so if he's happy then you've done the right thing. Sounds like you sis might be a little jealous, maybe things are worse than she's letting on with her boyf?? i'm sure you mum will come round, she might be in a bit of shock, afterall its alot for parent to come to terms with esp. if your the first child getting married. You cant put your life on hold. dopnt worry too much, in a few days/week or so, every-one will have chance to think about it and be happy for you. Just remeber its you and H2B time not any-one elses!!

#12 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 10:38 AM

Sorry to hear this, sure once it settles in they will be pleased as punch.

Sounds like your sister has a touch of the green eyed monster?

lisastef · #13 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 10:48 AM

i am the oldest.

not so sure its so much the green eyed monster as she is only 18

when i met my ex she was 12 and became like a brother to her.

she has shown no interest in Stef at all and when i told her she said she didnt know him so couldnt be happy for me.
told her to get to know him and she didnt want to.

claire · #14 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 11:21 AM

Hi Lisa

So sorry to hear that the reaction to your engagement wasnt as expected.

I too agree it sounds like your sisters a bit jealous of you both especially since she has probs with her relationship at the moment, My sister was exactly the same when Simon and I got engaged as her fiance and her were having a rough patch and she just seemed to be jealous that her relationship wasnt as loving as mine !! (sounds daft but youd be surprised) now they get on great and she wont have a bad word said about him, isnt it funny how people change when they realise that you are madly in love with this person who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with and nothing they or anyone can do will change it !

Your dad is being fantastic, especially since hes not long lost his mam and he's probably still grieving. Maybe your dad could have a word with your mam and see why shes not happy about it ????, I know if hes anything like my dad it will work as mam always listens to him !

Hopefully your mam she will come around soon. was she close to mike before you split up ?? maybe she is finding it hard to accept stef and doesnt want you to be hurt again. or maybe she's realising now shes loosing her little girl again sooner than she anticipated.

what about sitting down with her on your own with a cuppa and just asking her is there anything on her mind about you both as you would rather resolve the issues now than leave them drag on, explain to her that she means everything to you and you really want her to be a part of your big day starting with finding a dress with you and see what she says. you never know that might be just whats needed to make her realise that no matter how much she doesnt want you to do this, you are both going through with the wedding whether anyone likes it or not.

best of luck to you hunny and I hope everythings perfect soon.

love
claire
xxx

lisastef · #15 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 11:37 AM

thanks claire

no both my mum and dad love stef and hated mike.
they had a feeling we would get engaged in rome and were happy - its was when i continued and said we have decided to get married in june it went a bit quiet!

Jacqui · #16 (**permalink**) 13-12-2004, 05:01 PM

Perhaps they are worried about the financial side of it. Does your dad and mum feel that they should be paying for it?

As for your sis, I am not going to try to second guess her reaction. Perhaps just the two of you sit down and ask her to explain to you why she thinks this of you. Nothing to lose by asking and could clear the air.

Best of luck

Jac
xxx

lisastef · #17 (**permalink**) 14-12-2004, 04:53 AM

told them they dont have to pay anything towards it.

and as for my sister - i give up to. will make for a very interesting christmas!!

lisastef · #18 (**permalink**) 15-12-2004, 06:39 AM

finally got the guts to go round mum and dads last night.

there was a atmosphere you could cut with a knife, but i started talking about my engagement rings and the problems stef was having and then we went on to the wedding and i said it was at the priory if they wanted to come and they said ofcourse they did - think they have come round!!

sister emailed me quiet bluntly this morning to say we should make up for the sake fo the parents and christmas and i said ok.

my ring is all done excepted when we get back from rome we have to take it back to change the band to 18cts.

the diamonds are encased in 18ct white gold so the band should be too - but they put it into 9ct by mistake

sounds lovely stef says it 3 0.75ct diamonds and he has had in engraved - the jewelers said to insure it for £5k - will be to scared to wear it a this rate!!

so excited to be able to finally see it though

clutterbug · #19 (**permalink**) 20-12-2004, 07:28 PM

Hi,

Just to say that I am in a similar boat to you. My mum through a right strop when we told her, and she is still being a right bitch about it. I had to take my mother in law to be dress shopping with me. It is really upsetting. Last time we went to see them in Spain she was taking about not wanting to be around anymore and she was fed up with her life (she's an alcoholic) and when I said "You can't go anywhere yet you need to be there at my wedding!" she just looked at me in disgust and said "I don't give a f**k about your wedding."

I always knew that my mother wouldn't be the type to get excited, but I thought she'd at least be nice about it. Its really upset H2B, especially when she asks me infront of him "Why do you want to be getting married to him?" She loves him to bits, but she can't stand the thought of me getting married.

2 years ago I fell pregnant (with another man before met H2B) and when I told my parents my dad said he'd stand by me, but mum said that if she ever saw me again she'd stab me in the stomach. I had to have an abortion in order to keep my family.

All I can advise is that you just keep smiling. My dad hasn't got excited, but he's happy with it, he even bought my wedding ring.

Don't let it get you down. Its your big day and enjoy every minute with it.

Natasha

lisastef · #20 (**permalink**) 21-12-2004, 05:07 AM

oh Natasha that terrible

my problems seem tiny compared to that.

You are very brave to have a abortion for the sake of the family. and as for your mum, seem like she has lots of her own problems (dont take that nastily) whilst she has a problem with drink she she probably wont be the 'mum' figure that each girl has in mind to help with the big day.

have you got any sisters that can do bits with you? also sounds liek you have a great mil.

when is your big day??

clutterbug · #21 (**permalink**) 22-12-2004, 03:34 PM

sorry, only just read your reply.

I haven't got any sisters. My bridesmaid is H2Bs sister so she's kind of like a sister.

MIL2B has been great. however as any MIL or mother she's got opinions on everything, and after 3 and a half hours of looking at fabric for BMs dress which i wanted to be lilac, she bulldozed me into getting burgundy because it would suit BM better.

I want to just run away to be honest, but H2B wants to do it seperately.

Natasha

clutterbug · #22 (**permalink**) 22-12-2004, 03:36 PM

forgot to say that my wedding is 8th November 2005