Anyone Without A Parent For Their Wedding Day? - Wedding Forum

Scotia Rover · #1 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 11:14 AM

Hiya all....whilst I'm so happy to be getting married all the recent planning and stuff has really made me think about my mum whom we lost last July to cancer. I was very close to her and some days (like today) I am in tears at the thought of her not being with me. I suppose it's making all the arrangements on my own that brings it to the fore. I have no family to help as such...my dad can't and theres only him and my brother.
Is anyone else in the same position and how are you coping? Is it just me and am I being too emotional? As I already said on another thread we chose our 1st dance but may change it....I am scared I will make a fool of myself and cry! HELP!
Laura

Rebekah · #2 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 11:31 AM

I lost my dad when I was 12, and although it was 9 years ago, I still miss him loads. i am lucky in that I hvae my brother standing in for speeches and to walk me down the ailse, but I think I will still feel a great gap there on the day. both my sister's had my dad there on their wedding days, and it makes me feel really sad that he won't see me on mine. I think he would have been really proud of me and my choice of hubbie, and i think they would have been great friends.

I miss him loads...

Laurie · #3 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 12:59 PM

Bob and I are fortunate to have both sets of parents still but my heart goes out to you both.

mistleuk · #4 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 03:00 PM

laura it must be hard trying to plan your wedding without your mum your loss must still be very raw and we will all be here if you need us. i lost my mum without warning when i was 13 she had had a hole in her heart and it had never been dealt with and she simply sat down and died we had no time to even say goodbye. i am sorry if a babble a bit but this is hard to write I miss her more than most people will understand but i cope, she is never far from my thoughts ( the pic of me in the childhood pics is of me and her)i went dress shopping with my cb and couldn't go through with it i just couldn't stop crying as i wanted her with me. It has always seemed so unfair that i have never had the chance to do normal mother daughter things i even hid the fact i had started my periods for about six months as i statred after my mum had died and i couldn't bear my dad finding out. I miss her terrible at the moment but most of the time i get by.
I too only have one brother and i am finding it very hard i think thats why i enjoy being here so much i can get the support i need from here there are somethings about a weddiing that men just don't get . I think what is even harder is that my H2b lost his mother when he was about 5 so i don't even have a mil2b to help out
Laura my email is in my profile if you ever want to chat contact me and no i don't think you are over emotional my mum died in 1991 and somedays i find it hard not to lock a room and just cry as its the only thing that makes it feel a little better.I 'm crying now just trying to write this but its hard as i can't even begin to say how sorry i am that you are going through this ther just aren't the words contact me if you ever need to
lots of love emma

Tracey M · #5 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 03:06 PM

We have both sets of parents but will be missing my Nan dreadfully when we get married. She was my best mate and my drinking partner.

Having read both your messages (after wiping away tears) it made me realise just how special parents are.

Will probably bawl at the site of mine tomorrow now!

Taz · #6 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 03:23 PM

My parents will be moving to Spain in August so they won't be around for most of my planning but i couldn't imagine what it would be like if they weren't sround..

Thinking of you all

Cupid xx

Scotia Rover · #7 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 03:35 PM

Emma thanks for sharing your story and the offer of a shoulder.
I moved away from Essex back home to Scotland 3 years ago, while I'm glad I did as I had the time with my mum that I wouldn't have had otherwise, it means that I have no friends here, although I grew up in this area I left when I completed my nurse training when I was 21 and haven't lived here since.
I want to go to the cemetry on my wedding day, in my dress, and lay my flowers there for my mum. I don't know how I'll manage it but I am going to try...the only other option is to put on my dress again on the Sunday and do it then.
I can't begin to describe my relationship with my mum...it sounds corny to say that she was my best friend but she was and I feel so honured to have nursed her through her last weeks. She was only 65 and worked for Imperial Cancer Reserach (now Cancer Research UK) so ironic that she died of an aggressive incurable cancer.

mistleuk · #8 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 03:40 PM

I think going to the cemetry is a lovely idea. My mum had her ashes scattered at a chapel in the lake district which we used to go to. our original plan was to have the wedding there it was all arranged for the saturday nearest her birthday but the hotel double bked and had no other dates for this year so we are now having the wedding at my family church in greater manchester and my das prist is going to take me up for a blessing so i guess i am almost going to have two wedding days one with her almost ,

Scotia Rover · #9 (**permalink**) 06-04-2002, 04:25 PM

Aww Emma thats sounds lovely

I do believe that our parent(s) will watch over us...I can just hear my mum telling me to put my shoulders back and walk properly!
Laura

mella · #10 (**permalink**) 07-04-2002, 05:11 AM

Hi,

My dad died when I was 8 so he won't be there on the day. It hit me at a friend's wedding last year when her dad made a wonderful, loving speech, that when I get married, I'll miss not having my dad there.

But my way of making up for it as much as I can was to invite his brother and that side of the family becaus i've never known them all that well and would like to find out more.

Whenever I'm around my uncle, i feel like I'm a bit close to my dad if that makes any sense.

Mel
xxx

Heather · #11 (**permalink**) 07-04-2002, 05:30 AM

I lost my dad when I was 18, so nearly 4 years ago! It's going to be so hard not having him there on the day and I'm i'm still trying to think of something to do during the day to remember him!

After he died his ashes were scattered in Cornwall, there's a hill in St Ives and mum had a tree planted in his memory & the ashes scattered underneath it!
We're spending 5 nights in Disney and then 4 or 5 nights in Cornwall on our honeymoon so we're going to try and find the tree (I've never been there, tried last year when we went for a weekend but ran out of time

)

It is going to be so hard BUT I know I'll make it through the day and my dad will be so proud of me!
My mum will be there and just knowing what she gone through by then will make me so proud of her too, she's been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, and is now awaiting an appointment to begin radiotherapy! She's a fighter & so was my dad!

H

Rebekah · #12 (**permalink**) 07-04-2002, 10:37 AM

Since my dad died we have hardly seen my uncle, who was my dad's identical twin. He finds it hard to come and see us, and I think we would find it very hard to see him.

However, our wedding has become a good excuse for him to come up, and he has accepted!

I am really scared of seeing him though, as I think I will burst into tears. Just thinking about it makes me upset

. I really want to see him, but I think it will be hard. I am hoping we will see him before the day so I can get my tears out of the way, but I am not sure if this will happen.

Scotia Rover · #13 (**permalink**) 07-04-2002, 05:57 PM

aww rebecka {{{}}}} I am sure it will be fine.
Laura

nessa · #14 (**permalink**) 07-04-2002, 06:59 PM

Even tho both Ian and I have both sets of parents, my heart goes with all of you.

Ness

mistleuk · #15 (**permalink**) 08-04-2002, 08:26 AM

we aill be all thinking of you rebekha i'm sure it will be ok and we will all be thinking of you in july aswell

#16 (**permalink**) 08-04-2002, 11:13 AM

Hiya, I lost my Dad in August 99, very suddenly to a heart attack.
Its so hard sometimes, but I know he would have got on really well with H2B. In in a weird way though if my Dad hadn't dies this wedding might not be happening. It made me think about my life and I finally got out of the destructive relationship I was in. Then started going out with Rich and the rest has been bliss.

Will miss Dad dreadfully on the day but my sister's husband is stepping up to the job of giving me away and I know he'll do a great job.

Hardest part will be trying not to blub during the speeches. Thank heavens for waterproof mascara.

Good luck and all the best to everyone, especially those who will be missing people on the day.

Jess

KarenE · #17 (**permalink**) 10-04-2002, 09:57 AM

My mum died in an accident last Easter - she was only 59. J and I went to NI for Easter this year, as my Dad wanted to have us all together for a church service, then a meal.

J never met mum, but did speak to her on the phone a couple of times.

I miss her; I wish things were different. I couldn't bring myself to get married in NI, in the church where I grew up and where we buried her. Dad was VERY hurt by this, and things were very iffy for a while between us. However, he has come round now - and has even bought a new pair of dress shoes for the wedding (which he gave me at Easter to take back to England - just in case he forgets them!)

I had 2 really good friends help me shop for the dress, as that was something I knew she would have been SO involved in. I made a point of enjoying the dress search - lots of girly weekends, alcohol, etc.

I still don't know what else to do concerning the wedding as her grave is in NI, it isn't convenient to visit. I did go there on her birthday though (2nd April).

I miss her for all the things we would have had together - the wedding, children, etc etc

Everything you are feeling is normal. I wish you well.

Sheryl B · #18 (**permalink**) 10-04-2002, 10:20 AM

My heartfelt feelings go out to all of you.

2 years ago in July H2B lost his father at 60. Then last July his mother died at the age 58. He's absolutely devestated as he expected both of them to be at the wedding. I will make a speach saying that I felt priviledged to have known them and it's very sad that they can't be with us and am petrified that I am going to become very emotional. Also I won't be giving any presents out as we don't want to make it more pointed.

Really do feel for you

mistleuk · #19 (**permalink**) 10-04-2002, 11:11 AM

Karene have you and j thought about a blessing at the church where she is buried. After my orignal plan fell through it seemed the best compromise i could come up with. At sometime after the wedding the priest from my familys church is going to go up to the lake district with me michael and a few members of the family and bless the wedding where my mum is buried

J · #20 (**permalink**) 10-04-2002, 03:28 PM

Emma,

K thinks that may be a very nice idea, thank you. We'll see about doing something the next we're in NI after the wedding.

Jx