Is it normal to worry that people won't be supportive? - Wedding Forum

#1 (**permalink**) 16-03-2005, 04:24 PM

Is it?

Copperhead · #2 (**permalink**) 16-03-2005, 05:39 PM

He's maybe nervous of her reaction too? I would suggest he tells her as soon as, 'cos whatever her reaction, She'll be mad if someone else tells her.

Families are weird, weird things and the best of them go a bit daft over weddings. WW3 nearly broke out over my wedding (though we sorted it out) as my dad had some very set ideas about how my wedding would go which obviously were about a million miles away from what I wanted. We negotiated something that suited both.

I hope most people will be happy for you but you can't please eveyone. Have you talked to your H2B about this, I mean properly - tried to find out why he's delayed telling her and why his family are saying that he'll never remarry? Maybe the trauma of the first marriage has sort of put them all off going through it again? Seems daft but things are different for you two than with his previous marriage, right? The most important thing is that you two are happy and are getting married, everyone else is peripheral. Or at least they were for me.

Hope it works out ok and this ramble (i've had a couple of glasses of wine) makes sense!

Rachxx

Hels · #3 (**permalink**) 17-03-2005, 06:26 AM

I can't really explain why he feels unable to be upfront with his Mum - perhaps he doesn't have the same open relationship as you do with your family? May be his Mum is just worred about losing him if he re-marries and it wouldn't matter who he was marrying? I really wouldn't take it personally. She sounds like she treats you well most of the time and that's the main thing. I really don't think any of us are truely good enough for our MIL's babies!

As for worrying about what other people think/their reactions and whether they will become involved - you really need to stop worrying about that now. I am 15 months into planning my wedding with 2 months to go and it has been anything but plain sailing. People have let me down all of the time, and you will really realise who your friends are. Just be strong and learn from the whole experience. It is your big day and you should have it how you want it to be. There is no way you will be able to please everybody and there will always be someone who is unhappy. I used to lie awake in the early days worrying about it all. It's a good job I've got used to it now and toughened up a bit or I'd have huge bags on my Wedding day! There's still little things which niggle and upset me, but that's bound to happen.

Once he's told her you can really start to enjoy yourself and start arranging it all - it's so exciting. And if anyone says anything to upset you just try and take it with a pinch of salt - some people get very jealous.

I really hope everything goes well for you and good luck with the arrangements!

#4 (**permalink**) 21-03-2005, 01:06 PM

Thank you Copperhead and Nearly A Mrs. for your advice. It was very helpful.

How come I have 67 views and only 2 replies though?

Megan · #5 (**permalink**) 21-03-2005, 01:34 PM

67 people have read your thread and probably dont have anything helpful or constructive to say...?
not to worry about it!

May · #6 (**permalink**) 21-03-2005, 02:55 PM

i think worrying less would help and not everyone can reply to every thread you see so thats why and if its been said already people wont repeat themselves. good luck.

#7 (**permalink**) 21-03-2005, 05:27 PM

it's OK just curious.

Lady Rools · #8 (**permalink**) 23-03-2005, 06:45 AM

Hello

I've read already but not had time to reply, so I am number 68 now

When I first set a wedding date not many people were interested really (this was Oct03) It seems so long away to everyone, my parents included, they only really started to take an interest in the planning and the details about August of last year, with one year to go.

With regards to your H2B and his mum, it will all happen surely in time? It sounds like she likes you a lot and you are included in the family gatherings and all get on. Some things just need to be taken slowly slowly. Was your H2B hurt in his pervious relationship? Maybe they are being overprotective of him.

Give it time, and all will be well I am sure love

And as for details, that's what we are here for!

Jacqui · #9 (**permalink**) 23-03-2005, 12:34 PM

You said that his family are saying that he will never remarry? Thing is, you don't know what he was like when he split from his ex, he might have fallen apart and "vowed" not to go down that road again. It just might be that his aunt and his mum are repeating what he said - before he met you of course.

And perhaps because of what he may have said, he may be nervous of telling his family that he is going down this road again (embarrassed). Perhap his mother, being a loving mother, would not like to see him hurt again and hence for her acting the way she is.

I don't know the answer. The only way to find out is for him to get his backside in gear and for him to tell his family. After a time, perhaps, to put your own curiousity at bay, ask your MIL2B why she said he wouldn't remarry?

Best of luck

#10 (**permalink**) 24-03-2005, 02:22 AM

Thank you all so much. He was hurt by his first wife. He told me that he took his vows very seriously but that she didn't. He says she didn't leave him for somebody else but it sounds like she did because she moved in with somebody else shortly after they split, and remarried, so yes he was hurt.

He also told me I am 5 times the woman that the one he married was.

He said she pressured him into marriage the first time and that he should never have done it but he did love her or he wouldn't have married her.

She pulled a lot of dirty tricks from what I gather but he is not one to bad mouth her or talk about her much.

I think his Mom is just worried he will get hurt again but I won't hurt him. This is the love of my life and I thank God I have him everyday.

bron · #11 (**permalink**) 24-03-2005, 04:17 AM

see read your post but wasnt going to reply because I cant add anything useful to whats already been said. I've read it before so it may not be 68 different people but people like me who read it to see if theres anything new so they can add their bit