I'm not having a chief bridesmaid as I couldn't decide between my friends, but I do think you are over reacting about the hen do situation. My bmaids have lives and expenses, one of my bridesmaids is moving house so I have tried to be supportive as she also has a lot of stress and expense in her life at the moment. I think it's easy to forget that our wedding day may be the centre of our focus every day leading up to it, but it's not the same for the bridesmaids or even the guests and we shouldn't expect it to be.

Saying that she is worried about what sort of dress your gonna put her in suggests that your wedding is a long way off yet???? It's very common for family and friends to have an air of indifference until it gets nearer the time. Although we want to talk about & plan our weddings for years everyone else is not so keen! My Mum didn't really get excited with me until about a month before but in the end she was fab

Maybe if she mentions the dress thing again, you should enquire as to whether she's happy about being your BM. Maybe tell her that you thought she'd be really pleased to be one and that the last thing you wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable and it's really important to you that she enjoys the day too. Then if she's not 100% into it she may take that opportunity to back out.

Regarding the hen do, personally I feel that if you've decided to have a weekend in France then you can't really moan if everyone can't make it however much you want them there. If your friend is still keen to be your BM then maybe you could suggest a UK evening out (meal/pub/bar e.t.c.) that she could be in charge of organising?

Let us know how you get on x

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It is true that we don't know what we have till we lose it, but its also true that we dont know what we have been missing till it arrives

I've had lots of ups and downs and often been left feeling as you do. Other neutral people have pointed out that our wedding is not really a priority in the bridesmaids/friends eyes and that there are other things thich they think are more important (they probably won't understand until their big day - in fact I find that most of the ones that upset me aren't married/engaged).

I had major problems with my hen weekend and ended up cancelling it. What I did is a weekend in Ireland with immediate family, and soon will be going for a £10 meal and drinks after in a few bars trying to keep the cost down with everyone else. That way if they can't at least come for one drink then I know that the real reason isn't money. You really learn who your friends are when you organise your wedding.

I have invited supposedly good friends to my day do who I haven't seen or spoken to for months and that really upsets me. I know this isn't as bad as it being 1 of my bridesmaids though. What exactly are you doing for ur hen do? Is it expensive? Could ur friend bring her sister on it too? If you don't have her as ur bridesmaid will it cause u more stress than if u do? And if u do leave things how they are will u resent her for the lack of contact/interest etc?

Sorry about all the questions, but these are just a few things that I've been thinking about......

Hope you sort it out.

Hx

cheers guys for all your great advice.....was really pleased to see all your comments when I logged back in - TA!!!!!

You're right, does sound like a bit of overreacting but if it were me, I'd be over the moon to be a bridesmaid. some folk are funny aren't they!!

Re hen doo - or bachelorette party if you wanna call it that......it's in Nice - cheap flights and ok hotel bill etc..... my mate is a little bothered by spending but I would say she's had 2 years to save for it......and it comes as no surprise that her mate's gonna want a hen doo.

Ah well.....I will take your advice and give her a call.......to see how she feels about it all.
We have a try on session at bridal shop for bmaids dresses on Saturday so we'll see how that goes.
Who knows.....once she gets around the other bridesmaids she might start to wake up about the whole thing and get excited.

I will let you know how I get on.

Good luck all with your plans.
Sounds like us Bridezillas all have the odd prob or three

hey,
i had thought about having no cheif BM to save any hassle, but then who signs the marraige certificate as a witness as well as the best man? who walks down the aisle with the best man? who dances with him at reception etC??

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Megan and Andrew

I had a very similar problem, it was all about 'her' and how beautiful 'she' wanted to look, and how she would look walking up the aisle etc, how her hair would be (no mention of bride), who would fancy her etc took three months to try on her dress, putting me off to get her nail fixed at one point!

It all came to a head when I had a major op in Jan and she didn't even wish me luck, try and find out how I was, then when someone reminded her she called me and told me how bad 'she' felt and didn't even ask if i was alive or dead!

Sorry that went into a rant there.But when I think about it I get mad

Anyway, with your lady I would give her a chance with the dress thing, and see if she picks up a bit and starts giving some input. Otherwise tell her you don't want her to be bridesmaid any more.

It's not you being a bridezilla, you have to ask yourself, do you want her there on the morning of your wedding, being the first to see you in your dress, walking up the aisle with you, being in your photo's forever? My answer was no to all those questions, I weighed it up, and awkwardness and perhaps losing her as a friend was the better option.

Hope you get it sorted xx

Anyway, my point is,

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Lady Rools

Vivacity, Playfulness, Honesty, Strength

We have two best men so it's not a problem, I've told my bridesmaids they can dance with who they want at the reception and have paired the third bridesmaid with an usher who'll walk back down the aisle afer we've signed everything. As for the marriage certificate, I'm thinking of getting one to do a reading, one to sign the marriage certificate and the third one is playing a piece of music during the service.

aya chick,i can see why your a bit peeved, I would be too if i was you! friends are supposed to be exited for you for your wedding, and not burdeneing you with all thier probs, id probly say to her that u get the impression that shes got a lot going on in her life right now and would she feel less pressured if she wasnt your bridesmaid? ( even tho quietley id still be pissed off with her!) just smile sweetley and think about your lovley day!!! xxx

I contacted my friend to finalize arrangements for the try on session and asked her was she still happy about being a bridesmaid (Let's now bear in mind that I have never detected an ounze of excitement from day 1 but anyhow....) or if she would prefer to be a day guest. She came back telling me it would probz be best for her to be a day guest if "I" am having doubts........so I've told her I am cool with the day guest thing and said my concerns only arose from her reactions and lack of interest, comments about the dress etc..
And you know what.......I have a whole load of stress lifted off my shoulders now.......also don't have to splash out on someone who quite frankly doesn't deserve it.

I agree with one of the previous replies about knowing who your friends are when planning the wedding.......couldn't put that better myself.


Cheers guys for all your kind advice! Much appreesh xx

that's good news

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It is true that we don't know what we have till we lose it, but its also true that we dont know what we have been missing till it arrives

I'm really pleased that you sorted things out.

Hx

Glad you sorted it out. Well done for giving her an option.

Ang xxx

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Well done for sorting it out without causing any hard feelings - a career in the diplomatic service beckons...

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* Liz & Stephen 11 June 2005 * Our special boy Zachary Samuel born 6th July '07

I've only just come to this thread. Well done for dealing with it so openly. I'm glad you've got it sorted now.
x

glad to see it has been sorted out now...........i can imagine how relieved you must feel to have it not hanging over you.

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Linda xx

6 May 2006