mother in laws to be - Wedding Forum

lissapink · #1 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 02:40 PM

feel bad posting this and hope my h2b never reads this bt im struggling with her.
She is quite a cold type of lady cant really bond with her bt i try and have always tried.
thing is she hasnt got invovled in the wedding at all although she does ask questions about it.
She even had trouble finding her outfit so i offered three times to help bt got no reply so i gave up.
She came to our weding rehersals the other night as i felt it wuld be nice to include here and she sat with a face like a wet weekend and hardly spoke, made me feel a tad bit uncomfortable.
i have even texted her to say that i hope she is happy for us and that i will as i do now look after her son i got no reply.
Everyone else around us has noticed she is down.
we have asked her if she is okay and she said yes.
im hopeing it will all be okay on the day i know her and my h2b s dad split three year ago and they will both be there but they both have new partners and are happy and she left him with out going in to it it was she wanted.
bt on rehersals when he sadi hello she didnt speak back so i hpope its not like that on the day i have enough to worry about.
i know theres alot of jokes going around about mother in laws and have been since day dot but im started to think its not much of a joke i feel hurt angered and pushed away.
my h2b in the past has had alot of fallings out where his mum has beenselfish and pushed him away and i have always and only been the one to get them back together when they both gave up on each other if it wasnt for me i dont tink they would be talking now but i think they forget this maybe i dont know i just feel sad.

Copperhead · #2 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:06 PM

Don't know what to say but couldn't read and run. huge

for you

Rxx

May · #3 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:17 PM

on the day i think youve just got to ignore peoples reactions to a certain extent - as long as u and the people who have helped you are happy then sod the rest of them!!

Sorry - harsh but true!

Lady Rools · #4 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:28 PM

My MIL won't be at our wedding, her dislike for me is too great. Don't panic about things, she's probably just a bit emotional her son is getting married. Maybe she is thinking back to her own wedding day and feeling a bit emotional?

sairy mary · #5 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:30 PM

i agree, chuck, i think your wedding should be mega special and if shes being a miserable bugger than shes the one with the problem, let her be moody, u bloody enjoy your day! if theres any rowing to be done hang on untill after the big day, then let rip!!!!.x much love and mega big hugs for ya matey!.xxxxx

Ang · #6 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:38 PM

Rools is your MIL really not going to your wedding? Having said that I don't know if Brians mum will be at ours. This time last year I thought I was getting a MIL in a million but things and people change and now we don't speak. I don't even try anymore. It doesn't affect me and Brian it's us 2 that matter and as long as we're happy that's all that matters. It could be that like Rools said she's feeling emotional but the main thing is you and your h2b are happy and have a lovely day.

Ang xxx

Lady Rools · #7 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ang

Rools is your MIL really not going to your wedding? Having said that I don't know if Brians mum will be at ours. This time last year I thought I was getting a MIL in a million but things and people change and now we don't speak. I don't even try anymore. It doesn't affect me and Brian it's us 2 that matter and as long as we're happy that's all that matters. It could be that like Rools said she's feeling emotional but the main thing is you and your h2b are happy and have a lovely day.

Ang xxx

Nope, long story.

I think 'bringing her knitting to the gallows' was the expression used.

May · #8 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Rools

Nope, long story.

I think 'bringing her knitting to the gallows' was the expression used.

what does that mean???? In case It is ever used against me?!

Ang · #9 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Rools

Nope, long story.

I think 'bringing her knitting to the gallows' was the expression used.

Best thing you can do in a situation like that is you and Jack carry on being happy and leave her to her own devices.

Ang xxx

Lady Rools · #10 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APPARENTLY2CALM

what does that mean???? In case It is ever used against me?!

In the olden days, the old women used to bring their knitting along to public executions, and knit away whilst watching. Kind of means, that it would be like coming along as if everything is okay to watch someone hang them selves.

Ang, we are good, it's been this way for over 5 years, I am past being upset about it. It's more appropriate for everyone that she doesn't come to the wedding, it doesn't mean she doesn't love J ack and wouldnt want to be there, because I think she does, but it's complicated.

xxx

lissapink · #11 (**permalink**) 26-05-2005, 06:36 PM

well i never knew i would start a thread and have you all have issues to, your all right though it is her problem and i will be me on my day i will always worry about others but where this is i will not let anyone no matter who they are ruin our big day so sod to her ay and i will get on thanks girls i hope all goes well with your weddings to mother in laws or not, US BRIDES RULE AY

BRIDES POWER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XXXXXXXX'S to you all

Teresa · #12 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 04:32 AM

Lisa, try not to let it worry you too much. It sounds as though you have done everything you can to try and get on with her. You can't do much else and its up to her.

Don't let it spoil your day, if she wants to be miserable. I hope she won't but don't dwell on it and you will have an amazing day.

Flumpty · #13 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 04:59 AM

Um, as a mother-in-law can I just say that my daughter-in-law has been lovely but is now a little difficult. My eldest son upped sticks from Surrey and went to live with her and her parents on a farm that they all bought in Wales. I hardly ever heard from him as her family sort of took him over. Now my DIL has decided shes a bit fed up with being married and my son has had to leave and find a flat and is severely upset and without the security of the home he thought he was paying towards.I have not condemned and have tried not to take sides as I had a difficult ex MIL (who since I divorced her son thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread!)

So although I know you lovely girlies are no trouble at all please spare a thought for us MILs

Unfortunately my other DIL who was a total angel died last year and I miss her dreadfully.

lissapink · #14 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 03:41 PM

I m so sorry t hear about your daughter in law who passed away how sad my thoughts go outto you and your family.
i am not for one minute though saying i hate my mother in law i dont really hate anyone in life but i am just saying i am struggling and at a time liek this i dont need it.
i hope she will be fine on the day and maybe it is al because it is a big thing for her to with emotions and that i dont know will give her the shaddow of the doubt bt i will not keep going out my way to make i different anymore.
i dont think this of all mil my mum will be obviously my h2b mil and they get on great and she loves him as he does her.
dont want any mother in laws to think we are condemming all mil, this is just a thread to share my feelings on my struggle and everyone has helped thankyou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Flumpty · #15 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 04:28 PM

She might not be as happy about her own marriage split as she makes out you know. And that might be the problem

Lady Rools · #16 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 06:06 PM

I don't hate my mother in law in the slightest, I understand it must be so hard when your son get's absorbed into another family. I feel incredibly sorry for my MIL, she has painted herself into a corner and is a proud woman, and I would love for her to be able to bring herself to come to our wedding and see her son get married.

I can't carry hate or dislike in my soul.

for your DIL who passed away

Ang · #17 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 06:28 PM

for you Flumpty. I so hope that when Andrew fetches the girl home he wants to marry I'll be nice. I'd hate to be one of those MILs that people hate.

Ang xxx

rach · #18 (**permalink**) 28-05-2005, 05:14 AM

Flumpty, so sorry to hear about your DIL. That's very sad.

I'm sorry to hear about your problems with your MIL Lisa, but I think Rools has the right approach. Unfortunately some people are like that aren't they, but I know it can be frustrating when you're not one of them!

My grandmother is just the same and is very likely to sit at our wedding with her arms folded the whole time and be miserable. It's just the way she is, but if you said anything to her she'd be upset and would hate the thought of spoiling anything.

I would love my mother in law to be at our wedding. She passed away in January and was a beautiful person who would love to have been there in body as well as spirit. It's going to be very hard without her there to be honest.

Good luck with this. Don't let it spoil your day.
Rachel
x

Flumpty · #19 (**permalink**) 28-05-2005, 10:00 AM

Rach, she will be there in spirit Im sure

Thanks for your kind thoughts but I didnt want to hijack the thread. Louise had CF and had a heart/lung transplant at 22. She died aged 30. But she was the liveliest, least self-pitying person I have ever met in my life. I so missed her when I was planning my wedding.

Lissa, just be patient. It sounds like your MIL is a very unhappy person and is perhaps a wee bit jealous of your lovely happy relationship with her son.

lissapink · #20 (**permalink**) 29-05-2005, 07:59 AM

flumpty thanks for your support i hope all is okay in the end maybe after it all if the feelins are still there i will talk to her im not a bad person and dont wish to fall out with anyone speacially mil in the mean time i will do my best to ignore and forget im sorry to hear your loss i really am your not hi jacking the thread its for all to write on i just opened it and now i kind of wish i didnt as i have heard such sadness here one way or the other i hope everyones day goes well we are all missing someone in our life by the sound of it but they will all be with us in spirit luv l

Flumpty · #21 (**permalink**) 29-05-2005, 10:12 AM

Yes, Louise was definitely there on our day!

Ive always found that people who are nasty are generally very unhappy. If you can find out what makes them unhappy and try and help them they can turn out to be fine.
Now I know that sounds like Pollyanna but in my fairly long life and many experiences I find its generally the case.

KM · #22 (**permalink**) 29-05-2005, 12:34 PM

Lisa

HUGS for you. I know it isnt easy at all. Dont worry, whatever happens with your MIL, it wont spoil your big day. I promise. You probably wont even notice her. Sorry she is being offish and didnt even reply to your text - how rude. Take care and try not to worry (easier said than done, I know)

Flumpty, my thoughts are with your son. They really are! I'm also very sorry to hear of the loss of your DIL. Its very sad ((hugs))

x