Had to do the hardest thing ever tonight - Wedding Forum

lissapink · #1 (**permalink**) 29-05-2005, 06:35 PM

i had to go see my little brother who is in hospital care and tell him im getting marred on saturday. he knew we were getting married just not 100 percent when as he wouldnt really remember if i told him anyway.
However the hospital have told me numerous times that he cant go my wedding despite me hanging on for a change of vew from them he still cant, its just not fair.
my dad wont be there as it is and thats hard as he passed away but now its double pain for me on the day and now, i understand what they are saying as my little brother is mentally ill and in care of a hospital and they cant let him go but its stil hard for me to understand fully.
ive treid all avenues to change there mind even just letting him go to church with a nurse but no they havent enough staff to let them go out.
so my issue today was to go up to hospital on my own and tell him whats what.
people have told me to lie and say nothing but how can i i love my brother dearly and see him lots i could not live a lie like that.
b8ut i couldnt say im geting wed on saturday and you cant be there , so i kind of tld a white lie and i still feel bad but i diidnt know what else to do.
i just told him we were still going to get wed but we had decided on a quite affair alone with no hassle he actually said well done thats what i would do and let me know how it goes so it worked there without upsetting me he was shocked it was so close although i have ebe ntelling him he forgets things .
do you think i am bad for what i have said i feel so so sad infact im off now as im starting to upset myself agian i feel like its one thing after another, sorry to dampen the site an your days just wanted to know wht you guys thought xx thanks for listening

Copperhead · #2 (**permalink**) 29-05-2005, 06:44 PM

what a hard situation. I think you did the only thing you could in the circumstances.
Rxx

KarenE · #3 (**permalink**) 29-05-2005, 06:56 PM

You took the advice of the people best placed to know what is best for him - don't beat yourself up over it.

claire · #4 (**permalink**) 30-05-2005, 06:08 AM

sending you

I agree with the girls you done what you had to really, It must be such a difficult & hard thing to do and I can only imagine the pain your going through at the mo but just remember what your brother said and try and enjoy your day what about showing him your wedding video when you get it and reminice ? with you saying he forgets things he might even forget you saying it was just going to be a small thing?!?!?!

enjoy your day hunny & please try not to let this spoil it all for you as your brother wouldnt want that

lv
claire
xx

Ang · #5 (**permalink**) 30-05-2005, 07:43 AM

I think you've done the right thing. After the day take him a photo of you and your new husband. Don't let it spoil your day though.

Ang xxx

Angelmouse · #6 (**permalink**) 30-05-2005, 09:44 AM

As everyone has said, I think you did the only thing you could in the situation your in. Do try and enjoy your day and have a drink to absent friends and family, and give him a toast...

Fran
x

KM · #7 (**permalink**) 30-05-2005, 02:11 PM

Hi Lisa

(HUGS) Must be so hard, but you have done what you have thought is best. Afterall, it is out of your hands that he cannot come, so you have followed your heart as to be kind to him.

Take care, Karen xx

May · #8 (**permalink**) 30-05-2005, 02:41 PM

Think you just have to follow th advice of the professionals and thats what youve done - I reckon afterwards mayeb just say "oh we've brought you some photos of the day" - actually a few people came in the end.

Maybe you could light a candle for him? Take some cake/favour/ order of service etc etc? Mementoes of your day so he knows you thought of him (im sure he knows already)

Dont beat yourself up you did good.x

Teresa · #9 (**permalink**) 31-05-2005, 04:26 AM

What a difficult situation for you. I think you have done the right thing.