Guest advice - Wedding Forum

lampygal · #1 (**permalink**) 24-07-2006, 10:00 AM

We found out over the weekend that Chris's Dad is going to give up work to become a full time carer for Chris's Nana, she has pretty severe dementia and doesn't know her son most of the time. She will be moving into their family home later this year.

This means that we have a difficult decision to make about her involvement in the wedding. Originally she wasn't on the guest list as we thought that it would be too much for her to cope with, particularly as she wouldn't know who Chris and I were. We also thought that it would be hard for the family to cope with on the day. My Nan was pretty far gone before she died and I saw how awful it was for my Dad and her when she didn't know him or confused him with other people. This wasn't really an issue but now that she is moving in with the family it means she will be around no matter what.

Now we aren't sure what the best thing to do is....

It's blind sided us a bit as we weren't privy to any discussions beforehand. Last we had heard was she was moving to a local nursing home. Should we invite her and run the risk of her getting very confused and upset and making the rest of the day more stressful for his parents? What other options are there?

Thela · #2 (**permalink**) 24-07-2006, 10:32 AM

My only suggestion is could you talk this through with Chris's family. Explaining your concerns that attending the wedding might be stressful for her and see what they say? They may have already thought of this and have an idea of what to do.

For options of what to do if she doesn't go, I'm not sure. Not had much experience of this myself. Could Chris's family maybe get a carer for one/two days to look after her while they attend the wedding?

Copperhead · #3 (**permalink**) 24-07-2006, 11:15 AM

Talk this through with his family and make a joint decision i think. You can get care groups who will send volunteers in overnight or for a few hours. My ex-colleague does this every now and then as he cares for a mother with alzheimers

Ang · #4 (**permalink**) 24-07-2006, 12:08 PM

I agree talk it over with his family. You can either get a carer in or arrangements can be made for her to go into a home for a couple of days. We know someone who cares for her mother in law full time but every so often she goes into a home for a week just to give them all a break

lampygal · #5 (**permalink**) 24-07-2006, 12:23 PM

Thanks everyone - you've given me some thoughts. I think we'll probably plan on her being there until we hear otherwise and we'll talk to Chris's Dad when the opportunity arises.

From what has been said so far, I don't think they have thought that far ahead yet, so I think I'll get Chris to chat to his Dad in a subtle way, see if he can make them think about it a bit. I'd be far to blunt - not one for beating around the bush.

I'll let you know what happens.