Table Plan Dilemma - Wedding Forum

Janey · #1 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 06:07 AM

I need some advice please.

My Mum and Dad are due to get divorced, and my mother cannot look at my dad never minde speak to him in a civil manner. On the other side, H2Bs dad has a new partner who a) we barely know and b) dont like. Now, the dilemma is this.

Do we get rid of the top table altogether?

My thoughts are to have FIL2B on one table with his partner and relatives, my mother on table with my relatives and to sit at another table ourselves with my Dad (who has no living relatives) and Best Man etc, or should we still have a top table?

AAAAARGH! I dont want to upset anyone, but my mother isnt my favourite person at the moment, and has done nothing to help with the wedding. I would really like to pit her in her place, along with H2bs new partner, who seems to be trying to take over (automatically assumed that she would be at the top table, even though we have only met her twice and she is soooo in your face!! Cant stand her!)

What do you think MGWers??

HEEEEELP!

LOL

J
xx

Taz · #2 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 06:32 AM

or just do a Posh & Becks and sit on your own!

Put all relatives on other tables and you & Hubbie have a top table of the 2 of you OR include your CBM & BM?

Niddy · #3 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 06:37 AM

Have one big square kinda shape table so everyone is kinda sat together...that way there isnt a 'top table'

Beeny · #4 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 06:38 AM

What about having you, hubbie, best man, CBM and the bridesmaids and ushers (depending on how many you have) or you could just have you, hubbie, CBM and BM as Cupid has suggested.

It doesn't say it anywhere that the parents HAVE to sit on the top table with you or that you have to have a top table at all. It's YOUR wedding, do what you want and everyone should respect your decisions.

Beeny

stack · #5 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 06:46 AM

oh dear janey ive been thinking about this one and ive drawn a blank cause your dad doesnt have any family so you cant leave him himself.

will have a think and get back to you Heres a hug

in them mean time

Janey · #6 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 08:15 AM

Thank you all for your support. Why are families never easy? You can choose your friends but you cant choose your family! To be honest, I am really dreading the whole seating plan/ arrangement because my mother has been absolutely no help in planing the wedding, but seems to want to be Mother of the Bride on the day. All she cares about is if I have ordered her a corsage, or if it will match her dress. Never mind the fact that she didn’t ask if I have ordered my bouquet or what flowers I am having. The last time I said that it was OUR wedding and we would do as we liked, she said that it wasn’t OUR wedding but the families wedding, and we should be grateful that they are going to turn up. ?????
What ??? I don’t give a s**t if they turn up. They are all scum and I cant stand most of them anyway. To be honest, I hope that they DON’T turn up so I don’t have to spend money feeding people that I cant stand.

Does anybody else have Parents like this? The other thing that she has now decided is that even though she originally promised us £2000 towards the wedding, she cant afford it anymore as she has to pay for a divorce! This was after refusing to come to the wedding if I didn’t have my cousin as bridesmaid. I relented, and how I wish I had stuck to my guns!!

She then complained because I refused to invite some of her cronies!! My response was I CANT AFFORD IT! How can she be so selfish. I don’t have any kids, but I hope that I never treat them as shabbily as she has treated me! HOW can a parent do that to their child?? She is my mother, but at this moment and time I really hate her and wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw her again!

Anyway, sorry to rant on so much but at times I despair and wonder if the woman is actually human?

Anyway, thanks for listening!!

Hugs

J
xx

Niddy · #7 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 08:23 AM

Awwww

That's the good thing about here, we can all rant as much as we want without offending those involved in it all

a7lyg · #8 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 09:05 AM

Hi Janey - so sorry to hear you're having hassle with your mum - I am fortunate in that my mum and I are quite close and she hasn't interfered with my planning once, although I have had horrendous problems with my MIL2B which hopefully have now been sorted. I really don't know what to say to you other than remember it is YOUR day, not your families' (no matter what your mum says!) and you want to remember it for the right reasons. I would sit your mum down and tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you have bent over backwards to accommodate her and have had nothing but grief in return. Tell her that if she doesn't change her attitude, you don't want her there. If it's easier, write to her (I did that with MIL2B) - she also won't be able to answer you back or interrupt you, always a bonus!! If she does come to the wedding, I would do what someone else suggested and have just you and your H2B plus attendants at the top table and sit your dad with his family round him and his new partner out in the corridor unless she behaves herself! It may be worthwhile having a quiet word with your Dad and explaining you don't really know his partner very well and therefore she will not have a part to play on the day. All this may sound harsh, but in my experience it is the only way to have it - you don't want ANY regrets on your wedding day, you want to be able to look back on it and smile...........so have a

and stay strong - and don't worry about ranting, we all do it!!!!!!!! Keep us posted.

Embles · #9 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 09:21 AM

Janey,

I was having a dilemma over invitations this weekend. My mum whipped Debretts Ettiqutte guide out and apparently if your FIL2Bs new wife had anything to do with the break up of the marriage then she doesn't have to have anything to do with the top table and you can sit her at the back of the church if you like!

Am I the only one who thinks this is a little bit scary? I don't think I will be consulting Debretts much for our wedding. I might steal it off my mum and burn it in case she gets carried away!

Anyway, I think my point was to sod tradition and just do what you would like! I hope it sorts itself out.

Em

Taz · #10 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 09:24 AM

ooh blimey!! sounds a bit harsh to me!! The way i see it is that i am gonna do it my way and if it goes against Etiquette then so be it!!

nikki · #11 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 03:03 PM

Oh dear!! I wish people could all just get on - especially for big events like weddings.......

I am thinking of doing away with the 'Top Table' cos I've never forgotten my brother's wedding where my mum and stepdad were at the top table, and my dad and his wife were on an ordinary table with me. Not that it was a 'rift' in the family, just my brother's wife not thinking...... but I felt sorry for my dad!

So I thought I'd dot us all around the place somehow...... if my mum will let me ...... doubt it though!

Tracey M · #12 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 04:21 PM

We're going for a HUGE top table so as to try and keep everyone happy!

It's going to be a mix and match of both families/friends in order that my Dad (single), Mum (Remarried) and StepDad (the only decent parent out of the lot of them!) can all be at the top table but not within close proximity of each other.

My Mum explained to me at the weekend that I was imposing on people by inviting them to our wedding - I suggested she find something else to do that weekend as I didn't want to take up any of her time!

We sorted it out after but it made me so wild, she moaned because the colours she wanted in her outfit clashed with our (possible)colour scheme - oh well stuff happens!