Am I being a bridezilla? - Wedding Forum

Niddy · #1 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 01:26 PM

It's started!

I said to my mum about those lilac bags from Tesco that Stace mentioned and how we had thought of putting flower seeds in - her reply <crinkled up nose> "that's a bit tacky putting flower seeds in them" I said "No it's not, I think it's nice" she goes "Nah, sounds naff" (I dropped the subject)

half hour later I mentioned the napkins at the hotel, and wrapping organza gold ribbon around the napkin and sitting paper rose buds in lilac in the fold of them. Her reply "That's purple not lilac" I said "Things dont have to be the EXACT same shade of lilac y'know?" (Which i dont want because I like the contrast of different shades of lilac such as the table ********, to the lighter lilac sweetpeas etc) Her reply "Your wedding is going to be all over the place and odd!"

Last week she asked what buttonholes were having for the guests (There'll be about 120 guests) I said we were only having buttonholes for the Groom, BM, Ushers and Fathers and the mums were having a corsage. She says "You CAN'T do that! I've never heard of such a ridiculous thing! I've NEVER been to a wedding where the guests haven't had buttonholes Nicola!" I was sarcastic and did a fake gasp noise and "OMG How awffffful of me breaking tradition in the family" I explained we couldn't afford it and that was that, if she didn't like it she could pay for them herself! She said ok she'd buy them herself and everyone could have a carnation (I HATE carnations because they remind me of death) I told her noway was I having carnations ANYWHERE and if I HAD to have them because SHE wanted them then I'll have cream roses or mini calla lillies (That shut her up becuase they'd cost a fortune)

Am I being unreasonable or seeing things that aren't even there? or would this piss you all off as much as it has me?

The weird thing is she's been fanstastic with everything else, she's making the dresses and arranging my flowers. But she's very blinkered with 'tradition' and it's frustrating me like crazy!!

Ok I think I'm done rambling, sorry for going on

Nic xx

Denver · #2 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 01:49 PM

Doesn't sound very bridezilla-ish to me.

I think the seeds are a lovely idea and if you want to give them you go for it.

You will never get an exact colour match for your lilacs. I should know I've tried to describe my colour to people (dark purple almost plumish) and it's amazing how many different ways it can be interpreted.

Button holes are an additional expense especially with 120 guests, however, like you my mum wants them. She has said she'd pay so that's fine but we've also imposed a few rules. H2B doesn't want the guests in roses cos that's his flower so mum suggested white heather for the men and white sweet peas for the ladies which will keep the cost down and her happy. If your mum is adamant would these flowers be any good for you?

It's funny, cos like you my mum has been fantastic though she's struggling to understand why I don't want my flower girl to throw rose petals in front of me as I walk. Not saying there's anything wrong with it but it's a bit "too" fairytale for me and I think my mates would burst out laughing - both at the petals and the grimace on my face!

collette · #3 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 02:03 PM

not at all!! I would react the exact same way as you did niddy and just to let you know i have never been to a wedding where everybody has buttonholes!! what an expense that would be!!

i agree with everything youve said maybe your mum was just having a bad day and things may improve when shes slept on it....

collettexx

visiting bride · #4 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 02:24 PM

Niddy-
first it doesn't sound like much of a bridezilla moment to me.
maybe a "mumzilla" moment or too...
my mom has been amazing with my wedding but with my older sisters it was a diferent story.
She was incredibly controlling and all set on tradition, and what is done and all that...Insisting on certain colors and even choosing the bridesmaid dresses without conulting the bride...
afterwards the three of us girls sat down and tried to figure out why. Well SHE never had the whole white wedding and so she wanted everything "perfect" for her girls...thing is she didn't think to ask her girls what perfect was.
give your mom some time then set her down and ask what is going on. She will probably realize it is not her wedding eventually.

in any case your ideas don't sound bad at all, and certainly not out of control or anything, as was said before the only compromize I can see is the buttonholes if she wants to buy them perhaps you could find something you both like, otherwise I think you are well within rights...
good luck!

Michelle

nikki · #5 (**permalink**) 07-05-2002, 02:31 PM

Doesn't sound like a Bridezalla moment to me - more like a difference of opinion...... and mums and brides have those all the time in the lead up to weddings.

i think Mums just have very different ideas to us cos they were in our situation a good while ago - my mum is the same with my Nan as I am with her.......

I compromise when I can, and other times I rebel!!! What else can you do??

N xxx

stack · #6 (**permalink**) 08-05-2002, 09:03 AM

my mums the same she hated her wedding day. she has a flower print dress v.funky and my dad had on a white flared suit.

hey it was the 70's after all.

they got pushed into having the wedding everyone elses way and shes trying to be helpful to me but shes doing the same. she sthinks i should have a traditional wedding with phil in his kilt and me in a white flouncy dress and lots of kiddywinkles running about in fairytale dresses.

sorry not my scene, dont like kilts, kids or fairytale things.

shes trying to push me into my mil2b's idea of a wedding too. it sometimes seems that she would rather keep phils family happy than me.

i know its not the case and if i saw this she goes in a mood with me

maybe its a mum thing and we'll do the same to our kids even though we may say no just now, maybe just maybe.

hang on in there Nic, i think the seeds idea is great night pinch it from you.

BIG :hug3: just now and hope you get things sorted

kperryman · #7 (**permalink**) 08-05-2002, 09:23 AM

My mum was horrified when I told her we were only doing buttonholes for the Bridal Party!

Like everything else I said 'tough'!

I told her that my Wedding was going to be unique and not ruled by 'Traditions' set out 40 years ago!

I also pointed out that Paul & I are paying for the WHOLE thing ourselves so it will be done the way we want it.

Changed all my seating plan last night after someone on MGW suggested chucking the oldies off of the top table as it is not The Law to have them there!

Hurrah!!

KarenP

stack · #8 (**permalink**) 08-05-2002, 09:27 AM

yeah was thinking about doing that.

h2b isnt chuffed that i was this line up.

left to right

gran, his mum, his dad, best man, him, me, maid, my dad, my mum, mums mum and dads mum.

my dad wont talk to his mum cause he doesnt know her and id rather they sit together.

might just chuck them all off and just us and the bestman/ maid of honor.

kperryman · #9 (**permalink**) 08-05-2002, 09:36 AM

Paul & I think it's a great idea!

Now we can have a laugh durung dinner and not just have to listen to his mother drivelling on about nothing for 2 & a half hours!!

KarenP

#10 (**permalink**) 08-05-2002, 06:11 PM

We are having buttonholes and when we mentioned it to H2B's brother, he said "What's this a Royal Wedding?!" So I don't think everyone expects buttonholes!!!!!

I don't think you're being a Bridezilla - just be strong and remember it's your wedding!

Love Lisa x

Heather · #11 (**permalink**) 09-05-2002, 02:35 AM

I think Lisa said just the thing........

I don't think you're being a Bridezilla - just be strong and remember it's your wedding!

We all need to remember that sometimes, it's our weddings and we need to be strong when it comes to the plans etc! Even me & Matt need to remember that at times, especially when it comes to the guest list!

H