Speeches - Wedding Forum

carol123 · #1 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 03:51 PM

My Dad is painfully shy and the first thing he said when i told him i was getting married was "I'm not making a speech". I wouldn't force him to as i know how shy he is and it would just be a nightmare for him. I don't want him to be dreading my wedding day. My Husband to be is no public speaker either and the best man is terribly shy. So i decided why make people feel uncomfortable and cause them unnecessary worry so i said we wont bother with ANY speeches. To be honest i find them the boring part of the wedding anyway. I wouldnt want to ask someone to do a speech on behalf of my Dad as i just think this makes it look worse for him. Now every one seems to think its a crime not to have speeches, and they "should say something, if only a few words". Does it really matter that much? Would it be such a terrible thing if there wasn't any speeches?

Scotia Lass · #2 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 04:02 PM

Personally I think it's your day and you should have it as you want. I think it's really nice that you're considering those that would feel awkward about making a speech. I got married in New York 4 weeks ago (we had a small informal lunch), and everyone was happy just to toast our happiness.
Maybe you could ask a member of the hotel staff to ask everyone to raise their glasses to you both then just enjoy your meal together!
Laura

bron · #3 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 04:35 PM

I wouldnt bother if its nicer for all of you. We didnt have a first dance as I couldnt bear the thought (or recieveing line for that matter). If it had been me having to make the speeches we wouldnt have had them either but hubby and Dad didn't mind so we did.

Ang · #4 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 04:59 PM

I say do what's right for you and bugger what other people say and think. It's your day so do it the way you want it

Jen1 · #5 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 05:03 PM

Echoing what the others have said. It's your day and I don't honestly see the point in making people feel uncomfortable on your special day. I know that Rob was bricking it just before and so didn't enjoy his meal.

People get annoyed because it's tradition but nowadays it doesn't make any difference. You could maybe do something instead of speeches like a quiz based on you and your h2b to see who knows most about you

or open the floor to anyone who does want to say something.

sairy mary · #6 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 05:06 PM

I agree too, ok so , a fair few people do the traditional speeches, but then i know a fair few who havent bothered also.
I honestly think if if makes people feel that nervous, then id give it a miss.
My dad hated the thought of making a speech and i did tell him that he didnt have to if he felt that bad about it. In the end, he said a few words that were special and heartfelt and that was that, no huge speech off him, and it was still well recieved...as long as you guys are happy with the whole thing, thats the most important thing love.xxxx

KarenE · #7 (**permalink**) 10-05-2007, 05:49 PM

I gave my mother's brother absolutely no notice that he was making the speech instead of my Dad or brother - well, I told him before the meal, so he had however long we were eating to think about it!

(He is very good at public speaking though).

Whatever works for you as a couple/family is the right thing to do - we didn't have the traditional seating at the top table - I had Dad right beside me, and J on the other side.

Is there anyone who might like to say a few words outside of your immediate circle - otherwise I'm with Laura in asking the hotel staff to make a toast instead.

lampygal · #8 (**permalink**) 11-05-2007, 06:26 AM

We didn't bother at all - I thought they were a waste of time - so we just had a toast. Nobody cared, and dad was quite pleased.

Do it however you want, it's your day.

Heather · #9 (**permalink**) 11-05-2007, 08:35 AM

We scrapped all "traditions" so there were no speaches, we did however spend a few minutes giving out the little gifts to those who'd helped, and for Matt to tell people there was no evening do and they could keep us company keeping the bar open!

H

Hels · #10 (**permalink**) 11-05-2007, 08:40 AM

I personally like speeches - but that's me. We are all different, and as it is YOUR wedding and no one elses I think that you should have exactly what you want and are happy with regardless of what other people think.
One thing I learnt about organising our wedding was that you can't please everyone and inevitably you will upset someone. I also found that others seemed to make it be about pleasing THEM rather than US. So if you don't want to have the speeches then don't - do what makes YOU happy as it's your wedding day and don't feel guilty. I also found that the things I was pushed into doing made me feel resentful afterwards and that's not nice. Sometimes I wish I had been stronger and stood my ground more.
x

Sara · #11 (**permalink**) 11-05-2007, 09:07 AM

We had speeches on the day but both my dad and the best man were quite nervous about doing them. Gary didn't get nervous until about half an hour before his, but luckily his speech was really good.

One of my closest friends is getting married next year, a church wedding followed by a reception and they are not going to have speeches. Her dad is no longer alive and her husband to be is very nervous, so they've decided not to have them at all.

I think do whatever makes you happy. No-one is going to enjoy the wedding any less if you don't have speeches - most people just want to get on with drinking anyway and dancing after the wedding breakfast.

carol123 · #12 (**permalink**) 11-05-2007, 05:53 PM

Thanks everyone for your advice. We def won't be having speeches. And thanks to you Bron, we won't be having a recieving line either.

Hels · #13 (**permalink**) 12-05-2007, 04:25 AM

We didn't have a receiving line either. It was because we were running short of time. But I didn't miss it, and no one commented either.