Nervous already - Wedding Forum

Donna77 · #1 (**permalink**) 22-05-2002, 02:03 PM

I've always wanted the big white wedding, and I'm having it - It's just that now most of the plans are made, i'm starting to get worried about how I'm going to do it. I don't mind walking down the isle infront of my family and close friends but I'm really worried that i'll be really embarreded

in front of boyfriends family and his friends. His family think a big white wedding is all for show and already mock me regarding all the little details such as the tiara,

they know I've spent ages choosing items and I'm sure they will all think it was a waste a time. I get emabbrassed easily and hate the thought that people will be discussing my dress. I'm happy for people I know well to say I look nice but I will die of emarrasement if H2B brother or Dad tells me I look nice . we have decided to enter the dining room down a wish bone stiar case, how can i deal with all those people watching me. I'm not normally like this - I've been in loads of plays and drama and never fear being on the stage, i've always been happy to stand up and do a reading etc in church, I frequently do presentations or talk to large groups as part of my job and I never feel like this so why do I feel like it now?

I think I'm just really worried that Boyfriends family think it is all a farse and think that a big wedding is pointless and a waste of money - My mom and my family and friends are all very excited and most importantly this is waht H2B and me want. How can I overcome this fear - i'm worried it will put a dampner on my day.

Any advice appreciated.

Love Donna

J · #2 (**permalink**) 22-05-2002, 03:22 PM

Hi Donna,

It sounds from your post that you're assuming a lot of things about what your fiance's family will be thinking, and thus getting worried about potentially nothing. If they are thinking that, there is little you can do about apart from shrug it off, hold your head up high and enjoy the day. They may be making little digs, but come the day, they'll proud as hell to see Daniel getting married and all the rest of it will dissapear.

HTH

Jx

cariad · #3 (**permalink**) 22-05-2002, 04:08 PM

Quote:

I'm happy for people I know well to say I look nice but I will die of emarrasement if H2B brother or Dad tells me I look nice

Donna, consider that they might actually mean it when they say you look nice. I was plagued with low self esteem about my appearance for years (still am I guess) and could never take it when someone said I looked nice - I never ever believed them.

However, now if someone says I look nice, I have a very easy solution..I just smile & say thank you!! So what if the person doesn't mean it? If you act graciously and just take it, then its them who looks bad, not you. Just concentrate on the important things - this isn't one of them. Who cares what other people think? As long as your H2B and you are happy, that's really all that matters (at the risk of sounding a bit of a hypocrite! I do worry about stuff a little myself!).

Do you really think that what they think is going to change a single thing? I doubt it. Keep your head up. Like Jonathan said, often the thought of something is much worse that the reality. You've got time to dwell on it now & it's scaring you - but you certainly won't have the time or energy to worry about it on the day!

Lo · #4 (**permalink**) 22-05-2002, 04:19 PM

I agree with what J and Cariad have said, it's your day, you have it how you want it!

My hubby has a large family and ours was the 1st wedding out of 4 planned! I worried that they would be judging me, so I sat down with him (like you and your h2b have done) and talked about it. I realised it was me being silly!!

On the day, all of Marks family came up and said nice I looked, and 8 months later they still ask to see the photos and watch the video. I know now that they meant everything they said on the day!

So go ahead with your plans, have the day how YOU want it, this day is going to be about you and your h2b, so enjoy every second of it!

Good luck, and remember, the MGW gang are here if you need to talk

Lo xx

Taz · #5 (**permalink**) 22-05-2002, 04:37 PM

Donna - i have the same fears as it is Dav's second marriage and we are going for a church ceremony & then breakfast and evening reception. i fear that because he has " done it before " that his family will think that it is all my doing and because i am having the big dress, tiara and him in a suit with BM's etc . I am trying to think sod it - it is mu first time and i will do it how i want to and sod what everyone else thinks - don't think that it helps that Dave's sister is getting married in november this year with a small Civil do and then ours is July next year!!

I am sure that i am being paranoid but you can't help it can you!!

I am sure that you will be fine xx

stack · #6 (**permalink**) 23-05-2002, 07:07 AM

i know how you feel. h2b's mum doesnt really like me and things i do things the wrong way about. because were not having a traditional church wedding then we are wrong in our wedding planning. his sister is getting married in may next year and her wedding will be perfect but if i have a big dress then it will be crude or tacky. i know this because she has told me she doesnt like our ideas.

i hope your inlaws arent like this and your just paniking but if they are then do what im going to be doing thinking your just jealous

have a big

and i hope it works out for you.

cathgamble · #7 (**permalink**) 23-05-2002, 07:31 AM

Big hug for you Donna!

For us, this is Brett's second wedding, and I am really concerned that his family will compare it to his first. Also, I am the only member of my family who is not having a church wedding, which I know my parents are a little disappointed.

I think pressure comes from all sides when you are planning your wedding. The best advice I have ever been given about this (which I am sure you have been told before!) is to relax and enjoy it. It is your day, and you should do it exactly how you want to. Don't worry about your inlaws. It is impossible to keep everyone happy all of the time, and I would just take their comments about white weddings with a pinch of salt.

I think being the centre of attention on your wedding day causes everyone a bit of anxiety. I too am very used to presentations and public speaking, but am scared witless about dressing up in a white gown and walking down the aisle to the man I love! Of course everyone (including the inlaws) will tell you how gorgeous you look, and why shouldn't they - they will be right!

And they will be so proud that their son has married you.

I know it is easy to say, but try not to worry. This is such an exciting time, and it is a shame to spend so much of it worrying about other people instead of enjoying the moment.

Hope you feel a bit better.

Catherine xxx

Donna77 · #8 (**permalink**) 09-06-2002, 08:25 PM

Hello.

I havn't been on line for a while as have just had lazer eye surgery and have been avoiding over using he computer, but I have just read all the lovely replies to my thread and feel so much better already.

Thanks everyone for helping me get this nervousness into perspective.

Love Donna