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I am out of sorts and feel a bit sick....Mum & Dad told me that they are going to have a party for my Sister and her husband as we didn't have our relatives at her wedding last year (her choice) which I think is a great idea.
However, the date they are proposing is the week before my wedding (which our relatives are invited to) and I have spoken to H2B who thinks this is awful timing and is particularly peeved as he put off asking me to marry him last year as he didn't want to put a shadow on their Wedding - very thoughtful of him I know.
Sister isn't talking to me properly (long story, but mainly consists of thinking Mum & Dad are making more of an effort for my Wedding - they're not, we are just involving them) so I can't ask her.
I don't know what to do, should I speak with Mum & Dad and say that the timing doesn't work and they should have it much earlier or later? I want to keep all parties happy but feel low myself about it all.
Are you on good terms with your parents (i.e. better than you are with your sister?) If you are, then I would talk to them about how you are feeling. It will be a tricky one, because considering how your sister is feeling you don't want to alienate her even more.
My father has planned a family get together 2 days before my wedding to celebrate the fact that it will be the first time we have all been together for many years. I was pretty peeved at first, and thought the timing was a bit lousy, but have come round to the idea now. It means that I will get the chance to see them all and catch up without the actual stress of the wedding day. I expect that on the day I won't get to talk to everyone properly.
What ever you decide to do, try to talk through your concerns with your parents. They probably don't even realise that this is causing a problem for you, and it is better to have these things out in the open, rather than causing friction later on.
If only because if any of your family have to travel at all they might decide to go to one of the two. That is ok if they all decide just to go to your wedding, but can you imagine how your sister will feel if no one turns up to her party?
It is spectacularly bad timing. You really need to discuss this with your parents - without it seeming that you are reprimanding them for an unwise decision. You could say to your sister that you don't want to overshadow her party with your wedding! That might cheer her up a bit.
I hope it all turns out ok.
Good luck,
Em
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Emily and Tim
21st September 2002
I am on good terms with Mum & Dad but they have asked me to be the 'bigger' person with my Sister (not over this issue) on her complete lack of wanting to know anything about the Wedding other than her BM outfit! I am constantly asking her to come out etc. but she either ignores my emails/voicemails or says she is biz, then will outrightly declare how they have done nothing for ages in front of me...she is also too busy to come to either of my hen parties - sorry this has turned into a rant but I am very upset by her behaviour and I have told her but she says tough
I'll call parents later and suggest they move the date before announcing it to any rellies. I really hope my Sister didn't suggest the date given what went on for her wedding.
There is the distinct possibility of them coming to the party or my wedding, which is worrying.
I think your sister is being very childish and when you speak to her about it you should tell her so.
It isn't your fault that she didn't invite family to her wedding and having a party a week before your wedding will confuse your family and send out a bit of a wierd message.
Just make her rearrange the date of her party, as for being jealous of you.... you didn't ask for extra attention did you?......you were sensitive to her wishes when she wanted to be special and get married.......you are involving her by having her as BM......none of this is YOUR fault. You just want to have a wonderful day and feel like a princess for a day. One day out of the rest of your life isn't too much to ask.....she can have her party anytime in the next 40 years without ruining your day in the next few months.
That may sound bitchy, but stand up for yourself and think of all the effort you have put into your wedding day, don't let anyone, even your own sister take any of the glory away from you.
Definately find out why that particualr date was chosena nd if there is no logic behind it - have it changed.
I think if you explain your reasons - especially with regards to overshadowing your sisters party and people perhaps having to choose I am sure your parents will change it.
How old is your sister (I am assuming an adult as she is married) but she sounds like a 12 year old. Feel free to rant it sounds like you could do with it.
I am having a bit of mare and probably not helping myself as I feel really sick now. I will talk to parents later and ask why that date and then say what I feel/think without saying anything negative about my Sister.
Although I did speak with her and she didn't mention it nor did she ask about my dress which she hasn't seen yet, and even more my parents have suggested we invite her husband's parents which is fine by us but amusing as she decided at the eleventh hour that my H2B was to be uninvited (just in case my parents wanted to spend time to get to know him as they hadn't met before) and that if I formally introduced my H2b to my parents before their wedding I also would be uninvited - lot of bad history, but I gave in as it was her day.
Can't say anything to her really as parents have asked me to be bigger - although it feels anything but bigger at the moment.
Location: In my sweet ickle house in deepest Essex
Posts: 1,466
Awww! Just talk to your parents, there's nothing unreasonable in anything you've said. Is there enough time before your wedding to have your sister's party well in advance? It would probably be less confusing (for guests) to have it before your wedding, so they're sure where they're at! It is very bad timing at the moment, but if your parents could talk to your sister, maybe it would be easier to rearrange things - without making her feel like second best. Although to be honest, if my sister acted like that, I'd be so much more than you sound - you must be an
Big You really have to talk to your parents about this as it sounds like you have really tried everything with your sis. I think its awful timing and a little bit inconsiderate of them to suggest this date but maybe they havent really realised the implications of it all. Im sure if you spoke to them, theyd see it from your point of view.
The first time I was married was a week after my grandparent's 50th party. Going to the party as the bride-to-be was a lot of fun. Everybody made a big deal about us, our upcoming wedding, etc. We felt glad to share the spotlight with my family. I am sure your wedding, which folks actually ARE invited to, will be the event discussed most the day (not sisie's wedding)! You could even wear something white, you know, just a little reminder to everyone!
I spoke with Mum & Dad last night and Sister had called them and had a go at them for inviting rellies to my Wedding, I can't believe it, it's going from bad to worse
I was angry at her as Mum & Dad were upset by her comments and I also was thinking how dare she start saying how should or shouldn't be invited to our wedding. I said to Mum & Dad that she probably is regretting how she went about her wedding but it should not affect mine which parents agreed with. Dad was so lovely he said he was very proud of how I have behaved towards her given how she has behaved in the past and now. Dad also said that she didn't want me to introduce my H2B to them last year before her wedding as I was trying to steal her limelight. Anyone who knows me will know that I am not a malicious person and I would never have done that, Dad said he thought it was a ridiculous comment.
So, onto the subject of her party I said that it needs to be earlier or later to which they have agreed.....well they hadn't spoken with my Sister so who knows but I am determined in remaining polite to her but will not have my wedding damaged by her seemingly trying on purpose to be awkward.
I really feel for Mum & Dad as they are in the middle. My H2B calmed me down last night, he is lovely
Yes, we used to get on very well until she decided that she wanted to uninvite my H2B from their Wedding. I also then spoke to my parents after her wedding and told them everything and probably for the first time ever really spoke to them (not bad in 35 years!) so I guess that was the silver lining of a very black cloud. Anyway, when they got back from honeymoon my Sister was angry that I had talked to my parents as they were now asking her why did she do it etc. so it all started there really. I have said to her that I will talk to our parents if I wish which has also riled her. Mum was also lovely yesterday saying it is not for me to worry out and they will sort it out with her.
I am quite a calm rational person but I really don't understand what she is doing, other than been hugely jealous. I will call her over the weekend and say that she is upsetting Mum & Dad and if she has other things on her mind then let me know etc.
I was upset that she showed no interest in my wedding outfit but I guess she is so wound up at the moment she isn't seeing straight I guess laughing at this point is good otherwise I may
well it sounds to me that your sister is very jealous of your weddind, i'm pleased that you have spoken to your parents and that they were so understanding , i hope they manage to sort this out for you, keep us all posted
__________________ Emma
Smuggie since Oct 2002
After lots of help our little born on 28th Jan 2008
when I kiss you goodnight I will
hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank
God for you, and ask him for nothing,
Sue I think you should have a medal for remaining so calm over all this (I'd have pulled my sister's hair out, uninivited her to my wedding then found the oldest, most unflattering photo of her I could find, blown it up and had it sitting in the reception ) Seriously though, you hang in there girl, you truly are the better person in this one - stand your ground. Your sister sounds like she has lots of issues, not the least of which is a lot of jealousy for you. You're having a tough time, try to remain positive and focused - we're all here...........keep us updated
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Love & light,
Alli x
Married Billy on Saturday 20th July 2002 at Barony Castle, Peebles and want to do it all over again!
Expecting our first child on 22nd April 2006
Love isn't about finding someone perfect....it's about learning to love an imperfect person....perfectly.
I agree - you have handled this really well. And it sounds like your parents have been very supportive of the situation which must make you feel a bit better about things.
It sounds like your sister is very jealous, and has some issues of her own that she needs to sort out before you will become friends again.
Sister's Wedding Party
Emma 
born on 28th Jan 2008
when I kiss you goodnight I will 
Lady Rools 
Just talk to your parents, there's nothing unreasonable in anything you've said. Is there enough time before your wedding to have your sister's party well in advance? It would probably be less confusing (for guests) to have it before your wedding, so they're sure where they're at! It is very bad timing at the moment, but if your parents could talk to your sister, maybe it would be easier to rearrange things - without making her feel like second best. Although to be honest, if my sister acted like that, I'd be so much more 
than you sound - you must be an 
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