We had a "situation" last night.

My parents have been insisting that they pay for most of the wedding and Tim's parents are getting a bit upset about it. They want everything to be equal, but no matter how many times we try and explain it to my dad he just never listens. I think he wants to be the "host" of the wedding and it really quite traditional about it even though they had all decided it would be best to split the cost.

THEN, they went out last week together, and my dad made some really insensitive comments. His mum died a few weeks ago, but they weren't close at all. In fact they had a really complicated relationship involving all sorts of problems. He mentioned to Tim's parents that he was pleased that he could now afford to buy a house abroad - with the inheritance money. !!.

I mean you don't say things like that anyway at the best of times, but Tim's mum has also recently lost her father and is understandably devastated.

Tim actually had to phone my mum and point out these two things, and basically tell them off about it. I feel so embarassed and disappointed in my parents. I know they are only human and make mistakes, but if they are like this now, how are they going to be on the wedding day?

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Emily and Tim
21st September 2002

Oh no! I have to be honest though and say I have not thought before I have opened my mouth on a few occasions and really regretted it

Your dad probably didn't think before he spoke, which is a bit embarrassing. I can sort of understand that he wants to be the 'host' of your wedding (going with tradition, and he has probably planned for it ever since you were tiny) but its unfair of him to peruse this when you have already decided that your families should split the cost. I can see why it is getting uncomfortable.

Families eh? Sorry I have no advice apart from maybe try talking to your dad again. It is so hard though because I know you will not want to upset them. Best of luck, and maybe play it be ear for a bit and see what happens?

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Wife and mother to two cats

Ouch! I can feel you cringing... I don't really have much to add, just really talk to your dad until it gets through to him how important it is to you that the cost is split equally. Maybe if you say it so it's clear that he'd be doing it for you, it will be easier for him to ease off..? As for helping him keep his mouth shut... Get a (trustworthy!) friend to check his speech for him?! Keep alcohol out of reach until that's over!!
Parents can be toe-curling at times...

Jo

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:jo:
12th July 2003 - Shire Hall, Woodbridge
www.photobox.co.uk/jo_rust@hotmail.com