Grooms Guide

Although it is said that the Wedding Day is, essentially, the Bride’s occasion, that she is the “star”, and all the other participants merely supporting characters, the Bridegroom does have a very definite part to play. He is her leading man. And, as such, has certain responsibilities...


The Engagement Ring
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The Groom's first major involvement (after, of course, the proposal), is in the selection of an Engagement Ring. This is best done with the co-operation of your fiancé, as your choice might not necessarily coincide with hers. And she is the one who has to wear it. Decide between you on a maximum price to pay. It is no use her having "champagne" tastes, if you have "half of bitter" income! Before the engagement is official, it is customary for the prospective Groom to ask the father of his intended if he will consent to the union. (If both parties are over 18, her father’s decision is irrelevant, as the couple can do as they choose, but it is as well to keep on the right side of her dad!).

Once his consent has been obtained, the next step is the Engagement Party. This is normally arranged in conjunction with both sets of parents, and the financing of it is agreed between the various parties. (By tradition the Bride’s Father pays for it). Also agreed between all parties is the wording of the announcement to be placed in the local press.

Wedding Arrangements
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The Bridegroom's tasks, in conjunction with the Bride are:

• Arranging the marriage venue, and liaising with the Registrar or Clergy
• Buying the Wedding Ring(s)
• Buying gifts for the Bridesmaids, Page Boys, Best Man, Ushers, and both mothers

Other responsibilities include:

Choosing the Best Man
Choosing the ushers
Determining style of, arranging and paying for his wedding outfit
Planning, booking, and paying for the honeymoon
Organising and paying for the stag party
Writing his speech for the Reception
Paying for the flowers of the Bride and her attendants
Paying for the buttonholes and sprays
Arranging and paying for the car for himself and his Bride to and from the reception
Purchasing his going-away outfit and luggage, and taking them to the reception
Ensuring that the Best Man has enough money with him to cover any fees



Style of Dress
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Regarding style of dress, this is usually agreed between both families. Although tradition indicates that the style is dictated by the Groom, one of the other family might have strong views regarding the degree of formality acceptable, particularly as cost is a major factor.
If formal dress is decided on, this comprises of:

Black morning coat
Grey striped trousers (no turn-ups)
Grey waistcoat (usually double-breasted with lapels)
Grey tie
White shirt with turned-down collar
Black shoes and socks
White handkerchief in breast pocket
Grey top hat
Grey gloves

Over the years the strict formality of this dress has been relaxed, and variations are now perfectly acceptable.
The most popular of these is a grey morning coat (which looks less funereal, and photographs better) and a cravat instead of a tie. Morning suits can be either
bought or hired. Hiring is cheaper. Informal dress is more commonplace at Register Office Weddings.

The Best Man
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The main duty of the Best Man is to be the friend, fellow-organiser and trouble-shooter for the Groom. He should also be capable of ensuring that the Groom survives the Stag Night! He is to the Groom, what the Chief Bridesmaid is to the Bride and should be closely involved in all the arrangements the Groom has to make (listed above).

His obligations include:

• Arranging and paying for his own wedding outfit and ensuring that the Bridegroom and Ushers have done the same
• Helping to organise the stag party
• Keeping in contact with the Bride’s family regarding the arrangements
• Checking the Usher’s buttonholes and the service sheets at the marriage venue
• Accompanying the Groom to the venue, and sitting beside him
• Paying any necessary fees at the venue on behalf of the Groom
• Handing the ring(s) to whoever is conducting the service - at the appropriate moment
• Ensuring that all guests have transport to the reception
• Checking that the Groom has taken his going-away clothes to the reception venue
• Acting as master of ceremonies at the Reception (unless there is a toastmaster)
• Announcing the speeches and the cutting of the cake
• Making a speech at the Reception
• Ensuring that the going-away car is decorated, but not incapacitated
• Returning suits (if they were hired)

The above list indicates the need for the qualities necessary in a Best Man, which is why he should be selected very carefully.
Ideally the Best Man should be introduced to the Chief Bridesmaid as early as possible. Together they will be able to take a lot of the pressure off the Bride and Groom.


The Ushers
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Ushers are normally male friends of the Groom, although male members of the Bride’s family may be included. Ideally there should be the same numbers of Ushers as Bridesmaids, as they accompany each other from the marriage venue.

The duties of Ushers are:

• To show guests to their seats (for a Church wedding)
• Handing out service sheets and (if applicable) hymn books
• Helping to organise transport for guests from the wedding venue to the Reception
• Escorting the Bridesmaids from the Church or Register Office
• Serving drinks at the Reception
• Helping in any other way possible

Their style of dress should conform with that of the Groom.
It is useful if the Groom gathers his Best Man and Ushers together at some stage well before the wedding and explains to them all what their duties will be, indicates the style of dress to be worn and perhaps gives each of them a written check list. This
way, everyone will know what is expected of them.


Planning the Honeymoon
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By tradition, the Groom plans, organises and pays for the honeymoon, though many couples prefer the organising and planning to be done jointly. Financing it is often also a joint effort.

If the Honeymoon is to be spend abroad both parties need valid passports. If the Bride wishes hers to be in her married name, she will need to arrange this with the Passport Office well in advance of the wedding.

Immunisation against tropical diseases may be needed. Consult your doctors about this.
Ensure that you both have clothing suitable for the climate of the proposed destination.
Regardless of where the Honeymoon is to be spent, make sure you can afford it. If you are also facing the expense of setting up a new home (which can be very costly), it might be worth economising on the Honeymoon, and splashing out on next year’s
holiday.

As many hotels offer special terms for Honeymooners, it is advisable to notify the management in advance, as they will undoubtedly wish to make their own contribution towards a memorable occasion.

Limit very strictly the number of people who know about your Honeymoon plans. Practical jokers love disrupting Honeymoons in a variety of ways, i.e. by canceling
bookings, or hiding tickets and/or passports.

It is often advisable to spend the first night locally, so that you can stay at the Reception until the end. This is particularly relevant if there is to be an evening
party following the Reception.

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Stace. xx
Married my sweetpea
Phew that was hard work!!
My little baby yeah not so much now my little man is now almost 3 years old !! not a baby no more
My little ginger man speaks spanish!!