opinions and advice needed - Wedding Forum

Donna77 · #1 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 12:11 PM

I'm just sorting out final numbers and am alarmed that my plan of around 80 - 90 guests has now gone to 120 aggggh.

I've really enjoyed the planning up until now but now I'm starting to get stressed and worry about the costs (I can afford it but can't help thinking what else I could have done with the cash)

It's not helping that BM is being ackward as she is refusing to wear a tiara.

the girl who I considerd to be a best mate and who got married a few months ago in a very small family only srevice is refusing to come to my hen party as she want's to save money. (I'm having a day trip to blackpool and coatch is only £12.00, it's not as if i'm asking people to fly half way across the worl or anything) The thing that hurts is that despite not being invited to her wedding I organised her hen party and payed for all the usuall hen party veil and goody bags, put everyone up at my house, made all the phonecall's to invite everyone and I provided food and drink over the weekend to all who came to her hen party (yet she can not be bothered to come to mine)

I'm now feeling really low but feel silly as there are far greater things to worry about in life. I'm also stressed at work and just feel that i'm trying to please everyone

Photographers are also insisiting we take an hour and half to take photo's.

Is this average as it seems a long time to me. Guests will have a drink during this time.

Any advice appreciated.

Love Donna

#2 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 12:20 PM

Have a

I completley understand about the growing numbers - ours has already gone up by 30 and we still have over 18 months to go. Its entirely up to you and your H2B what you decide about guest numbers but make sure you have the day you want, not the day you think you should have.

With regards to your 'best mate' i think shes being totally unreasonable. Like you said, youre not asking her to fork out a fortune and considering what you done for her, its the least she could do. Id sit her down and explain how you felt about the whole thing and if she doesnt understand id seriously consider whether i wanted her there anyway.

HTH xxx

Bianca · #3 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 12:26 PM

Hi Donna,

Your friend is being so mean! After all you did for her hen night etc

If she is so keen on saving her money and really wont go - then stuff her! I know it sounds mean but you will have a briliant time anyway and when you come back and show her the photos and tell her all about it she will be sorry she didnt go.

As to the photographer - he has told us to give him at least 1 hr and a half, but would prefer 2 hours

vickilewis · #4 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 12:38 PM

also know how you feel, very low andfed up right now. as those of you who visited me at 'rant' will know i'm having mum problems. i am so annoyed that my day is being ruined (already) by my cow of a mother. i am determined that this will be my day and not hers!

roz · #5 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 12:42 PM

Ooohh dear!!

Is there something wrong with the weather today?

Sounds like a really long time for photos, although it will pass more easily if you guests have a drink!!

Why did you have an 80 guest limit? Room size or budget? Is there flexibility? Could you invite a chunk of them just for the evening?

And breathe....

Donna77 · #6 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 01:32 PM

I don't have a limit of 80 it's just that was my initail planed number. The room seats 150 so they can all come and the budget can stretch to feed them all. We invited 100 expecting many of our relatives particualry the ones in Scotland and Australia not to come but they are all coming. Then my nan was poorly and suddenly we became re-united with aunts and uncles that I hadn't seen for ages and hadn't plenned to invite but now my mum (who is paying for the meal) wants them to be invited and some of my friends who I believed to be single have suddenly got boyfrinds who are coming and the list just kept on growing. We have lot's coming in the evening aswell. I think I should just relax now and enjoy the big wedding rather than worrying about the cost as I can'tt uninvite people.

I am considering serving mean not coming to hen party friend with beans on toast during the reception and attaching a litttle note about how I'm trying to save money. What do you think!

vickilewis · #7 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 01:35 PM

catty....but i like it!!!!

Lo · #8 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 04:58 PM

Now now girls, gloves off and handbags down!

I can understand why you are so p****d off, I'd be fuming, especially after what you did for her. She sounds a little insecure, have you tried talking to her again to find out the real reason? There's something certainly amiss with your friend.

With the guests thing, I can't really say, as I said 60-70 and we had 65! And an hour and a half will fly by when you are having photo's. We had such a giggle during our group shots, and the hotel served drinks, which gave the guests a chance to talk and mingle before sitting down for a meal.

Lo xx

mistleuk · #9 (**permalink**) 15-08-2002, 09:37 PM

aww dawn :gh; completly understand about the numbers thing we had said about 60 max to the day i think the last count i did was running at about 85 and now people from work want to come too, and as to wetyher our budget will stretch well hopefully but you will all be teh first to know as i may well be near hysterical the wek before but hopefully we will be ok!
As too your freind i think she sounds completely selfish!!! and after all you did for her, i can't beleive that someone newly married and therefore knowing the stress we b2b have to put up with is making life so difficult for you

karenl · #10 (**permalink**) 16-08-2002, 03:57 AM

Awww Donna, have a big

Firstly, have a good old look at your list and perhaps prioritise it for those who you both REALLY want to be there. If that's everyone, then that's great! If not, perhaps you could 'relegate' those few to the evening only - it would certainly save money that way.

As for your 'friend' what a cow? Honestly, some people just haven't got a clue have they? Perhaps she's jealous, perhaps she's going through the 'I want to do it all over again' thing and this is her way of coping with it. Not that it's an excuse to mistreat a friend. Anyway, as the others have said, go right on ahead without her, she'll probably only be a misery anyway and be moaning about spending money while she's out.

Good luck with all your plans, I'm sure it will all work out.

K xx

Donna77 · #11 (**permalink**) 16-08-2002, 05:14 PM

Thanks girls.

I'm feeeling better now. Have just decided to have a big day and as all have been invited didn't feel I could un-invite them. My parents have been great and are paying for the whole meal (my mum is more excited than me and wanted the big party)

As for "friend". Well I dont think she has a sence of occasion as her wedding was so small. (no dress, only 8 guests and no flowers at all.) I accepted this as her choice and didn't say anything. I just sent a card and flowers) I think she secretly would have liked a bigger wedding (she's normally very socable and loves parties) but didn't want to spend any money on it. It's a shame because she has enough money as she has been promoted recently and was the only one of my friends not to leave uni in debt (In fact she invested her student loans and made a profit) I think I just have to accept that she is the kind of person who puts saing money before having fun. I'm very different to her and would spend my last penny on having a good time.

Thank's for all your advice, nice to know I'm not the only one in this wonderful world of wedding planning.

Donna

nikki · #12 (**permalink**) 16-08-2002, 06:24 PM

Sometimes I think this whole weddin thigy is so stressy it sends us all a bit funny - I know I was ready for biting someone a couple of days ago!

Anyweay, if you can afford it, just enjoy feeding and watering people. It's a great joy to entertain others! And as for your cheapo friend - seat her on a really crap table and grin!!!!!

Big huge hugs comin atcha at a crazy speed,

N xxx