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This was mentioned a couple of weeks back, but many wedding websites have endless guides to organising weddings, but they seem to cover general stuff and never answer your specific issue.
My Dad is a Vicar and I will be going over in a couple of weeks to do an "interview" with him about any aspect of church weddings that you care to know about. I'll come up with a load of things to cover, but it would be great if you could post on this thread any subject that you would like me to find out about, or an answer to any question you would like to ask.
"Everything you always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask"!!!!
That would be SUCH a help! dont know when H2B is going to be able to come up again to see the vicar. Anything about the banns would be great. What happens about neals banns being read? Hes in the army in salisbury, so do they get read down there? Do we need a certificate from his padre or something? and how much do they cost?
Im slight;y drunk so i prob dont make much sense... might post again tomorrow #when im sober
yep im another one who would like to know about the reading of the banns, we live in newcastle but are getting married back home in wales, do we have to go to all 3 readings of the banns in wales or just one and 1 in newcastle??????????
i think the vicar said that simon and i just need to attend one back home and aslong as someone is at the other 2 readings from the family its ok????
id be really gratefull if you could find the answer out with your dad.
cheers j
luv
claire
xx:rolleyes:
__________________
[center] Carys Grace was born 29th June 2007 5:01am weighing 7lbs 8oz
I have copied my question across from my thread. I would be really grateful for any ideas.
Thanks,
Beeny (aka Sabrina)
"We are planning to have a church wedding and i would like one of my best friend (also BM) to do a reading for us, however i am not too sure how it will work in the service. My H2B has been to been to a church wedding before (this will be my first!!!) and he said that they didn't have any readings and it wouldn't work but i've got my heart set on this because i think it will make it special."
__________________ Friday 26th September 2003 - OMG, that's nearly 3 years ago!!!
just a reminder, as you asked, about having a child give the bride away.
Could you ask your dad one more Q, though this is more theoretical than anything.
I'm divorced and CofE (was married in a registry office first time), what bugs me is why I can't be married again in a CofE church when in the Bible it states that divorce is acceptable in the case of adultery. If you could ask your dad if he could help with an answer I'd be grateful
H2b really wants a Church wedding so we are trying to find a United Reformed Church as he is Catholic and I'm divorced, not having much luck at the moment, I think I'll have to find a phone book lol
I'm having a nightmare at work, my PC won't let me on this site, big withdrawl symptoms So just catching up. Not seen all these cool icons so I'll be playing tonight
Vicars are generally not scary people at all, I think people just expect to feel uncomfortable around them as they could be said to give a certain "air" off. I know its an odd situation, seeing the vicar for the first time. I felt a bit uncomfortable and I probably know most of the ins and outs, its something you can't get away from. But at the end of the day, they are normal people and are not setting out to trip you up about anything. I'm going to cover this with my Dad, but our first appointment with the Vic covered the basic details (dates, your addresses, etc) and I'm sure it will be plain sailing. Picture him sat on the bog with his trousers round his ankles if it makes you feel better . Like you say, obviously don't swear, don't make gags that could be taken the wrong way (all vicars being evil devil worshippers, etc, they may not appreciate it :teehee: ) but just be yourself.
Dawn : If the base chapel is of the right status, then no probs with reading the banns there, talk to the Padre about that one. If it isn't, then the Banns will have to be read in the local parish church that the barracks are in. The cost of banns in both churches is covered by the church fees you will be paying. Basically, the banns are read on 3 consecutive Sundays within 3 months of the wedding date at the parish church that each of you is resident within.
Claire : There are no rules to say that anyone has to be present at any of the Banns readings, but it is the "done thing" to go to at least one at the church where you will be getting married as it is an opportunity to get to know people such as the Director of Music (who is just as important as the Vicar to the smooth running of the wedding). Each Vicar will have their own interpretation of what is the "done thing" which is why he may have mentioned a family member being at each reading.
Sabrina : There are no readings in the Common Worship service (the only legal CofE wedding service). However, you can negotiate with your vicar to include a reading if you really want one. If he agrees, this is likely to take place after the first hymn and before the "legal" part of the service (the actual "I do " bit).
Jem : There is no problem with your little boy walking you down the aisle. There is no such thing as "giving away" the bride anymore. If this had been the case, he wouldn't have been able to as that would have to be an "adult". As its now a symbolic thing, no probs. Be aware though that he would not be able to act as a witness for the signing of the register, as this has to be done by an adult (its normally the Best Man and Chief Bridesmaid).
About your other point, the Bible does not say that it is permissable to divorce in the case of adultry, it say it is permissable in the case of "fornication". The religious definition of "fornication" is sex between 2 people who should not be married ie. if you are related or one of the parties is underage (this must have been commonplace in Biblical times!!!). It is not possible for 2 legally married people to commit "fornication" and hence the Bible does not permit divorce for adultery.
Mella : I know your question was not one really to ask my Dad but I did anyway and he and my Mum thought it was funny you ripping your vicar's robes with your heel! It made him think, actually, because he does not view himself as intimidating but when he thought about it, he realises that couples dress up to meet him which shows they must look up to him but he says it really is not necessary, vicars are normal people doing a job. However, it all goes back to times in the past when the church was very powerful and handed out funds to the poor, so they were treated with reverence as otherwise they would not be as generous. Its like other professional jobs like Doctors who used to be held in high estime but has diminished over years, its now just a job but the "mystique" surrounding vicars may have hung around.
I still haven't mentoned anyting to my dad or Owen, waiting till we have an official date. As for the other one thanks again, I had a look at my older Bibles and they do say fornication, it's the newer one that says adultery and that's the one I read because I dread one of the little one's getting hold of one of the older one's.
have you tried asking in a few CofE churches in your area? my h2b is divorced, & lucky for me, my vicar does not have a problem marrying couples when one has been married previously, depending on circumstances. so if looks like, fingers crossed, we will be getting married in my church. vicars have varying opinions on this, so it might be worth asking around. don't know where in cheshire you live, but i live bowdon, & getting married in St. Mary's church there.
if you really want a church wedding then keep trying!
Thanks to you and your dad... I won't worry so much next time I rip a vicar's robe..
We had our marriage preparation meeting yesterday and our vicar told us we have to be present for all 3 readings of the banns!! That means travelling to Shrewsbury from London 3 weekends on the trot... but I don't see that I can really question this when the vicar has stipulated what we must do and she's being nice by allowing us to marry in her church..
Just a bit confused about the reading of the banns in my own parish (kingston upon thames) - do you know more about what we have to do exactly - I'm not sure how it all works..
Thanks duckie.
mel
xxx
PS can your dad recommend any unusual readings that don't state that man is above woman and that woman is here for man's pleasure... etc... otherwise it will be:
I Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I like this one - but think it sounds a bit funny about singing spiritual songs etc..
Colossians 3: 12-17
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Whilst you don't have to be at any Banns readings, each church will have its own peculiarities and if she is giving you special permission to get married in her church, then she may be making you jump through a few hoops and there isn't much you can do about it. What is clear is that each church does things slightly different .
For the banns in your own home parish, its just the same as being read in the church you're being married in. I'm not sure who arranges these being read, talk to your vicar if she sorts it out or if you do. I guess its down to the applicant (I'll double check with Daddy!). I'd be suprised if she expected you to be present at those too, unless you have a double!
I'll call Dad tomorrow (he doesn't answer the phone on a Monday, its his day off!!)
Ask the Vicar!!!
A MEMBER OF THE SMUG MUFFIN CLUB SINCE 
18TH MAY 2002 
Carys Grace was born 29th June 2007 5:01am weighing 7lbs 8oz 
Friday 26th September 2003 - OMG, that's nearly 3 years ago!!! 
So just catching up. Not seen all these cool icons so I'll be playing tonight 
. Like you say, obviously don't swear, don't make gags that could be taken the wrong way (all vicars being evil devil worshippers, etc, they may not appreciate it :teehee: ) but just be yourself.
Tied the Knot on 10th August 2002 
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