Am I wierd? - Wedding Forum

Beeny · #1 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 08:58 AM

Hi Everyone,

Sorry i am going to have a moan

I spoke to my mother last night telling her all about our arrangements so far for the wedding thinking that she would begin to get excited for us, however, all she could muster was "Isn't your wedding next year? Why are you bothering to organise things so soon?" I know this doesn't seem too bad but it has made me feel quite upset, all i would like is for her to be excited with us as most mothers are. She makes me feel guilting talking about the wedding and after every phone call we have i am depressed.

So far we have booked the church and the reception and currently looking for a photographer...am i being too organised? I'm just finding it hard not to think about the wedding plus my H2B in going to be doing his finals at uni next year and we wanted most of the big things organised so he doesn't have to deal with it!!! (See she makes me feel as if i need to justify ourselves

Has anyone else been made to feel this way by someone who is supposed to be supportive and excited for you?

I need a hug!!!!

Beeny

P.S. I love these new smiles Bev!!!!!

Bev · #2 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 09:04 AM

My mum was a little funny with me about mine - but in retrospect I think that may have been because I've had to organise everything from here without her, and she's missed out on a lot.

I would have loved her to have been with me when I went dress shopping etc, and I think that's what may have upset her.

I also think that many people don't really understand what can go into planning a modern wedding. I don't think you are being over organised at all - your right to organise the big stuff - we had our venue and registrar organised within a month of getting engaged but then sort of left everything else. There will be mad panic at the end, but never mind.

Can't really offer anything constructive other than to say your not on your own - and as time ticks on I think she will get excited!

Janey · #3 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 09:10 AM

ARGH! Doesnt this just P*ss you off big time?

I know exactly how you feel... my mother is one of those that expects to get away without helping at all for the preparations, but will expect to be centre of attention on the day!

The only thing that she was interested in was whether I had ordered her a corsage from the Florist!

I dont hink anybodys mum can top the most recent events though!

We do live 250 miles away from her (I am originally from up North - Now living in Southampton!) and she agreed that she would come down here to help me find a dress on the basis that I could then have easy access to the shop for fittings etc!

Anyway, she was supposed to be travelling down on the Friday Night to go shopping on the Saturday, but she sent me a text message AND an e-mail to make sure that I got the message!
The message was that she wouldnt be able to make it as she had been double booked and was going out for lunch with her friends on the Saturday!!

Charming!

Needless to say, I still went without her (I went alone and had a fantastic time!) but she couldnt believe the fact that I had still gone, and had bought a dress!

She finished the conversation by telling me that I was selfish because I had refused to wait !! (She didnt even ask me to wait!!!)

She didnt even bother asking what it was like!

Sod her I say! She still doesnt know what it is like because she doesnt want to lose face by asking and I am certainly not going to volunteer the information!!

I am a big supporter of the old adage "You can choose your friends but not your family"

HOW TRUE???

Sorry I couldnt be more help to you but I thought it might help knowing that someone else is in the same boat as you!

LOL

Janey
xxx

Em · #4 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 09:41 AM

Oh you poor things. That must be horrible.

Not that this will probably help - but here is a hug for both of you

I hope it starts getting better for you.

Emx

Jem · #5 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 09:41 AM

awwwww {{{}}} Beeny

I don't have your problem as I have nothing to do with my mum,

mil2b upset me yesterday tho, she said my dress sounded expsensive and that she thought I'd have picked a "more sophisticated" dress, and why don't I just rent one. I'm probably being really touchy cos my doc just put me on anti drepressants for pnd but I said something to Steve about why didn't he tell me his mum didn't like the dress, (I wouldn't have talked about it if I'd known) he had a chat with his mum and said that he doesn't care if the dress is x amount I can have whichever dress I want we'll find the money and has she seen the dress because he thinks all the dresses I've shown him are gorgeous.

Honest opinions now from those who've seen it what do you think of it?

Lynne · #6 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 10:31 AM

my mum has been an absoute gem. My dad on the other hand is a bit of a prat. He got engaged last week and told me via text message!!! Neither him or his fiancee have asked how our wedding plans are going. The whole wedding has never really been mentioned, he hasnt said anything about it other than congrats when i called to tell him the news.

I sent him a card for his engagement but didnt get him a gift as I didnt get a thing from him. I got yet another text this week to say, "thanks for the card, why didnt i think of that"

Some people eh? I dont think they really mean things how they sound its just their way. I am sure everything with you mum will be fine as i am sure eveything will be fine with my dad on the day. It would just be nice if they were a bit a bit more enthusiastic, wouldnt it?

visiting bride · #7 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 02:06 PM

This is a bit of advice my sister gave me when I got engaged...(she has been married 23 years)

"just remember that you are looking at every response you get through a magnifying glass, hoping and expecting praise for your every decision."

We had a long talk about all the hurt she felt when things didn't go the way she thought they would and that bit of hindsight has helped me to keep in perspective all the feedback I have recieved good and bad.

Beeney you should organize as much as you can whenever you are able to. It will help you to feel on top of things. (I started booking things in Feb of last year) now closer to the day I am getting emails from everyone involved asking if I need help and whats to be done and a general buzz of excitment has begun...It will happen it just may take a while.

Janey- my mom was a little miffed I chose my dress without her too. She probably just assumed ... and you know the rest. I'm glad you were able to have a good time on your own! I don't know about you but I had such a fuss around me whene I went to a shop by myself It was as though I had brought 10 girlfriends!

Jem- (could not find the post of it although I know I've seen it) I have not seen a single dress posted on this sight that was not lovely (although some were not my taste that is not the point.) If you feel beautiful in the dress forget what she says.

Lynne- Men, what can you say about that? You sound like you have a good attitude about it at least!

Ok enough unneeded advice from me!!!

:rolleyes:

Gail · #8 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 02:10 PM

Hi

I am getting married next year and having much the same reaction from my mum.
However when talking to my dad their wedding was organisied in 6 weeks or there abouts... and she had a much bigger wedding than we are having...lol
I am, however trying to get her involved as much as possible...which is proving hard to do....but i determined she will help some way or another

Take care
Gail

Dawnmm77 · #9 (**permalink**) 21-02-2002, 02:43 PM

my mum hasnt really been involved in any big way, but i know she's there if i need her, which is lovely and reassuring

Having left home when i was 18, having a family of my own at 19, and having to be very independant and organized (?), i think she feels that im big enough and stupid enough to look after myself and make my own plans!

She only lives 5 mins away, and we see each other or talk on the phone every day, usually about wedding stuff! So although I've done the major stuff, like choosing my dress and arranging the church/venue etc on my own, she's helping for all the added little extras. She is coming to my dress fitting on Monday, and then we're going for a makeover together!

But saying that, yes we have had our disagreements, over guest lists, photographers etc, usually ending with me slamming the phone down and then ringing Neal for a good old whinge about her! It does get your back up when you think you've got a great plan or idea, and then someone throws cold water on it by being completely disinterested, but persevere (sp?) hun!

And you've always got us MGW peeps here if you need to moan, shout or throw things... or even :uzi: ... although Im ducking out of the firing line if that happens!

Keep your chin up!
Love Dawn xxx

Beeny · #10 (**permalink**) 22-02-2002, 11:28 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies. Hopefully she will be more excited nearer the time.

Got one of my bridesmaids coming up this weekend to discuss flowers and prices with the florist. :cheese: My future PIL are offering to pay for my bouquet so i thought it would be useful to get some quotes for them. We are also going to a wedding fayre on the Sunday and probably go and look at some dresses. Not planning to buy anything, just want to have a look and giggle!!!!

Hope everyone else enjoys their weekends.

Beeny

roz · #11 (**permalink**) 22-02-2002, 11:32 AM

So now you know you're no more weird than the rest of us!!!

(PS R :uzi: J!!)